The 9 Week Update

Breastfeeding:

Last week was a really rough week for it.  I got yet another clogged duct (that makes 4; same side) and trying to nurse through that was rough, and then we had latch pain.  I didn't really nurse her on that side for 2 days.  I was in tears on multiple occasions, couldn't sleep from the pain, and was really considering if it was possible to only nurse on one side.  

I'm so thankful for that breastfeeding support group though.  I went and while the lactation consultant helped latch her on, it was still painful.  Basically I just had to get through it, and with the help of pain meds left from recovery (I'm talking the good stuff, although I didn't abuse them, just so you don't think I did, lol) I did get through it.

There is still some pain when she latches, but on a scale of 1-10, I'd say a 3.  Before I would have said an 8 or 9.

I tried the side lying position.  It was fine for her nursing on the right side but nursing her on the left while lying was just a little more uncomfortable.  That was the side that I was hoping would work out since that's what the lc's recommended.

Rob took her over to my sister and brother in laws on Saturday because I had plans and wanted to not have to bring her.  He fed her a bottle before he left and brought one.  It wasn't out long enough to be a problem, but he was very nonchalant about dumping it.  Like if it's bad we will just dump it. No Rob, you didn't spend an hour sitting awkwardly forward holding a bottle to your boob while a machine pumps.  Ugh!

Misc:

Eleanor has a doctors appointment tomorrow.  It's her two month appointment and she's getting shots.  I'm going to cry.  Pretty sure I already am crying.  I know it's necessary, but I just think about how she is most likely going to react and I hate that I'm going to bring pain to her on purpose.  I'm sorry Ellie!

When we were doing the side lying position on my bed she fell asleep on her side.  I left her there for a minute, I was still in the room, while I was putting away laundry.  I picked her up and put her on her back in her crib, and when I turned on the camera she was on her side.  So I went back in, put her on her back again, and she rolled back to her side.  First time she had done any rolling.   She also wasn't in a sleep sack which I think was a big part of the reason she was able to.  I was nervous to have her on her side so I was constantly watching the monitor.

Me: 
I'm at the point where I really need to get serious about finding a job.  I haven't worked since end of August.  The plan all along was to get through the holidays and then find something.  We aren't struggling to pay bills, but there isn't really extra money, and with winter comes more expenses; from Christmas to higher heating and energy costs.  Ideally a child care job would be the best since the thought of leaving my sweet girl gives me mild anxiety, so something that I can do in home or bring her with me would be needed.  And I want something part-time. Like half days or a few full days.

On a positive note, since I rarely leave the house, my gas costs have gone done, I haven't had to get an oil change in almost 4 months (and probably won't need one until February) so general maintenance costs are down.

She rolled over on her own

Smiling after spitting up on me

Fell asleep during tummy time

Stare down

Sporting the Michigan hat, much to my dad's dismay

LOVE! 

My camera phone attempt at a under the Christmas tree shot. 

Getting love from cousin Traverse.

Spoiled by Aunt Lisa.  

Weekly Wrap Up 9/14

1) I mentioned last week about being more positive because I have learned how quickly things can changed.  The woman I mentioned from church who had just found out her chemo didn't work and was going home on hospice passed away over the weekend.  The funeral was earlier this week.  I couldn't believe how many people were there.  I've never seen that many people in the church, even on combined service weeks.  It goes to show the impact a person can have just by being a friend to everyone who needs one.  

2)  My friend was in town for a few days this week for the funeral.  Even if it was a sad reason, it was nice to see her.  She came over and brought 4 donuts.  We each ate one.  Then after she left I ate another.  I offered Rob the last one, but he never ate it, so the next morning I ate the last one.  I must lack self-control or something like that.

3) Yesterday was my sister in law's birthday.  Happy Birthday Lisa!  This afternoon we are going to their moms house to celebrate her birthday and mine (which is Tuesday).  Tuesday is also my dad's birthday.  Will baby girl be the third generation to share a September 17 birthday?  

4) We are going to a housewarming party later for Rob's friends.  They just moved into a brand new never lived in house.  I'm a little jealous.  It's not that they have a huge house, it's just that it's new and shiny.  But I like our house and it fits our needs with plenty of room (even with baby).

5)  Winnings weren't great this week but I did win a chicco travel system.  Which is awesome, but winning it a month ago would have been even better before we got the chicco car seat and the keyfit caddy.
When I first heard I won it, I initially was going to sell it, but I told Rob about it and he wants to keep it.  This way he has a car seat base for his car, and he wants to keep the stroller in his car (and while it wouldn't fit in mine, it should fit in his).  That just leaves us with a extra infant car seat to attempt to sell or so whatever we choose to do with it. 

I also got a kids care bear dvd that I won recently.  I plan on using this as a gift if needed.

And I finally got the kids blanket I won...At the end of May.  I gave up on ever getting it so I was surprised when it showed up yesterday.  It's a taggie style blanket with the loops of fabric on it.  I have no need for more blankets, we have more than enough, but it's still kind of cute.

6) I've been keeping track of every single penny I spend/make for almost 2 months and it's pretty sad.  I don't really spend a lot of money on anything other than groceries or gas, and monthly bills.  We don't go out a lot, we have the internet and netflix.  No cable or any other indulgences like that.   I'm still positive money, but not by much and not for much longer.

I am getting super stressed out about it.  I've been wanting new couches for so long and a chest freezer and I can't see that happening.  Rob says we could use what money we have saved up (which is about 1/4) for the couches and try to finance the rest, but I don't want to do that.

I know that those are just things, but I want them.

And when I think about having to pay the deductible for our health insurance (which is $3,000), the  cost of the health insurance rising by adding another person onto the plan, car insurance (which is $800 for 6 months; due in the next month), and how bills just go up here in the winter (higher electrical cost, higher cost of heating the house; with a newborn I'm not just going to suck it up like I normally would if it were myself), and my dream of those things just slips away.

My savings is going to quickly be depleted I fear, and with no job and nothing even on the horizon I feel overwhelmed. I was crying about it the other day, and Rob tried to tell me it's okay, that right now I just need to focus on the baby and taking care of her.  Really though I'm confident that he's stressed out on the inside as well because he never planned on being the sole financial provider for us.

I don't even think looking for a job at this point is worth it because I could have a baby any day, but I've still been checking care.com.  I don't really know what else I could do, and this way I wouldn't have to pay child care.  I have found a job on there in the past so hopefully I will have good luck again.

7) I got my car back this week and I love it.  I'm not embarrassed of my car anymore.  It looks so nice and pretty.  I posted a picture on instagram, but I'll share it here as well.  If you don't follow me yet on instagram you can click on the photo icon on the right side bar or go to www.instagram/kelle017

I don't have the before picture; I can't believe I don't!, but look how nice the hood looks.  You can even see the reflection in it.  It's that shiny and pretty!

Weekly Wrap Up 8/31

1)  I'm a day early, but I want to be sure to wish my little sister a Happy Birthday!  

2)  This summer I got the chance to go back and watch the kids that I spent 5 1/2 years watch.  I didn't know I would have this chance, and I'm really thankful that I did.  To celebrate the end of the summer we had an ice cream bar.  We got out the ice cream, and went to the store to pick up some toppings.  These kids loaded up their bowls with different forms of candy, syrup, & whip cream.  I think they loved it!  Then I got a present from them.  It was a pack of bottles & sippy cups for baby girl, a bottle of wine for me & a bottle of beer for Rob (and a cheesecake as well).  As my boss told me "everyone get's a bottle! If you want to read about last years last day you can read it here (Last year's last day)

3) Now that I am officially out of a job and have none in sight I'm getting worried. At the same time, I'm looking forward to being able to relax this last month or so before she get's here. 

4) I finally received a diaper this week that I won at the beginning of July. I won a prize pack that included a few of these Betty Crocker small pouch food mixes, an apron, oven mitts and a $10 Walmart card.   I also won a subscription to Medela's breastfeeding university which will be helpful.

5) Last Saturday was our ten year class reunion.  Rob and I actually graduated together (although we didn't talk until 4 years after graduation).  My best friend was in town and even though it was a small group of people (maybe 50-60 total, that included spouses) it was still fun.

6) I also had my last baby shower on Sunday for church. It was the smallest shower yet, maybe 10-15 ladies, but it was perfect.  I got some more clothes, bath stuff, and misc. things.   

I saw a dress like this on pinterest and thought it would be perfect since I'm due on opening day of bow season, and Rob is a huge hunter.  I asked a friend if she could make it for me and she offered to do it as a baby shower gift. She also made some cloth wipes, wet bag, a sleep sack and cute booties. And she has an etsy shop (check it out here)

Then I got these super cute hats which are also handmade.  

This book was actually on one of my registries, but the person who gave it to me didn't check.  She works with kids and they love it, so she thought baby girl would also.  And I do love it! Obviously since I asked for it. :)

And while I don't have a picture of it, my best friend (who is in a picture above) got baby girl a 'Somebody in Minnesota loves me'  onesie.  Perfect!

That's all I have for now. Enjoy this long weekend!

Weekly wrap up 5.11.13

I've been absent with my weekly wrap-up's lately.  I just haven't had much going on aside from the pregnancy, and I don't want to make these all about pregnancy.

1)  So my job has ended.  Now I'm back to attempting to find something again.  I know Rob says we will be okay, but I just hate not helping out financially. 

2) And while we might  be financially okay at the moment, in a few months it will be a different story.  Hello $3,000 deductible

3) We had some beautiful weather earlier this week.  I even got a slight sunburn being outside (I'm usually good about sunscreen, but I hadn't planned to be out for so long and just didn't think about it). Then yesterday it got cold, and my winter coat won't zip up so that was a bummer (it's not broken, I'm just to big for it to zip up)

4) Yesterday was Rob's birthday! We went to Logan's for dinner with his: mom, sister and brother in law, niece and nephew, and his grandparents.   It was nice to see them and visit.  Then we had cake and later ice cream back at our house.  I didn't get him much, just a few shirts.  Even baby girl got him a onesie that said I love daddy.  :)  I'm hoping it will fit her on his birthday next year (it's a 9 month so it might be a little big if she's a peanut.  If she's not then it shouldn't be a problem at all).  I did make him a handmade card.   I didn't want to spend money on a card when I had plenty of scrapbook paper, and supplies.  It turned out just fine.

5) Because I haven't been working I've been doing some deep cleaning around the house.  This week I cleaned the top of the kitchen cabinets.  I'm pretty sure that it's never been done since Rob bought the house...4 years ago.  I don't even know if it was done then.  It took me several hours to clean.  The only thing that worked was oil soap.  It was a bit uncomfortable because I couldn't stand up straight because of the height so my neck was crooked and by the end neck and shoulders hurt.  Oh and my arms.  They are still sore from scrubbing.   I put paper towel down when I was all done so hopefully that will help in the future.

I've done other cleaning as well.  I cleaned the bathroom basement (that rarely gets used by Rob; it's to cold down there for me), all the baseboards, behind the fridge; I dust most days; vacuum and clean the floors behind, among other things.  At least the house has never been better.  My sister thinks I'm nesting already.  I think it's more needing to feel productive.

6) I made homemade meatballs this week.  Despite my meat aversions I ate a few and they were pretty good.  They took some time to make though.  I had to shape the meatballs, then freeze them, roll them in flour, brown them and then bake them with the sauce that I also made.   Rob enjoyed them and said he would eat them again.  That's  my test.  If he would eat it again then it was a success.  Most of my creations turn out luckily.

7) I've had a few good wins lately.  I won a few gift codes to websites that sell cloth diapering stuff so I picked up a few diapers, I won a music table (worth $200), and a baby swing.  We were given one,  but the perk to this is it's more travel friendly.  I'm still waiting to get it.   I try to keep an updated list in a tab at the top of the page.

8) I've made progress on my quiet book.  I've gotten all the started pages actually finished.  I'm happy with how it's turning out.  My niece enjoyed the potato head page and the tic tac toe page. I also did a shape page and a number page.  I want to add a few more before finishing it off.  When I'm done I'll post about it.

9)  We (and by we I mostly mean Rob) have been getting some projects ready to do around the house.   His grandpa gave us an old storm door which is in better shape than ours (just needs a new screen), we bought casing to go around the big garage door and have a few other things in mind.   I'm excited to add a little curb appeal to the house.

Weekly Update 4.19.13 (lots of pictures)

1) Our nephew was born on Monday. Welcome to the world baby Gabe! I loved those newborn baby snuggles.  Now we have 2 nieces and 2 nephews.  Our baby will be the tie-breaker on both sides. 

2) Monday was also our anniversary.  We were a little busy with work, visiting the hospital and then going out to dinner that it was after 9 before we got home and I just forgot about it, so we actually took the picture on Tuesday.  I'm a little weird about not doing it on the exact day, but it's silly.  It's not like one day makes that much of a difference. 

3) I figured out how to add a link to my blog's facebook, twitter and my pinterest page using an icon.  I figured out how to do it before but I wanted to use the icon.  It took me a while to find html code to do it, because I have no clue how to write my own code, but then it was fairly easy.  I couldn't find a smaller image for pinterest though.  Visit them and like or follow them, and if you could click the 'we're on the fence button' I would appreciate it. If not I'll still like you.

4) With all the bad stuff that's been happening this week, the Boston marathon bombings, the explosion at a plant in Texas (although I think that was accidental), I am more thankful than ever for knowing that when I die I am going to Heaven.  Jesus saved me and I can have hope.
I don't want to have to suffer, who really does, but I know that in the end it will all be okay.  Not everyone can say that, and that makes me so sad.
I am reminded though in the stories I read about the good people that exist; the people who ran toward danger instead of away from it; the people who worked night and day to save and protect people.  I am  going to remind myself of that because I need something positive.

5) In weather related news, we've had rain here almost every, if not every day for the last several weeks.  As a result flood levels are high.  Like really high.  Higher than I can remember them every being and high enough that if it rains today there will be records set.  Here are some pictures (I didn't take most these; found them on local news sites and facebook)

Summer 2008; Traveling Vietnam Wall; I did take this one

April 2013

Downtown Grand Rapids

April 2008; Taken by me

April 2013

6) This week was kind of a roller coaster week with the job.   I posted last week about how it was ending.  Then Monday there was a chance it could still work out.  Yesterday I found out it won't.  I understand budgets and not being able to pay me what I need.  I'm just not willing to work 9 days a month, some 8 hour, some 5 hours, starting at 6am until 3pm (on the 8 hour days).  It winds up being 5-8 dollars an hour.  I know I should have taken it because it's money, and I know Rob was annoyed that I asked for $500 instead.  My time is still valuable though, and I know what I am worth.  I'm hopeful I can find something.  It almost might be easier since with that job my scheduled would have varied so much (like different days every week).  I have no hard feelings that it won't work out.  I wish it could have, but budgets stink.

7) I won a cloth diaper and inserts from Imagine diapers and a certificate to Chelory this week.  Chelory has a hunting camo diaper which I probably am getting.  It is a one size which means it won't work in the newborn stage (baby needs to be 12lbs I think).  Rob asked me last night if I could find a newborn camo print and I am having a hard time.  I want to so badly since it's the first time he's asked for something like that.  I can find a few one-size, but no newborn.  It has to be hunting camo, not military camo. If you have seen one let me know please.
I have time, but it would be so perfect considering I am due on October 1st, which is opening day of bow season.  I did tell Rob that he could go out hunting if the baby hasn't come yet, as long as he doesn't go more than 30 minutes away and keeps his phone on him at ALL times.   I also told him that he won't be going up to deer camp with my dad and brother this year for opening gun day (November 15), because that would be an overnight trip.  I'm not sure I want to be overnight alone with a tiny baby.

8) And I've been thinking about birth announcements this week.  We ordered all our wedding stuff from vistaprint and I was really happy with them and we got a lot of free stuff as well.  One of the free things we got were photo magnets and I put an engagement picture on them and shared them with family.
Anyway so I was going to order the announcements from vista print because they are cheaper than shutterfly (where I would have otherwise). Then my smart self thinks to do magnet announcements and I can get them in a post card size and they are cheaper still than shutterfly.
Then yesterday I see a groupon for vistaprint.  $17 for $70 worth of stuff.  So I bought it.  It expired October 15.  I think I should be safe with that.  So I can get at least 50 announcements plus note cards for under $20.  Awesome!

9)  This is my latest craft project.  I like to start them and not finish them.  This is made from felt.  The little bucket stores the pieces, and is sewn on with embroidery thread.  I sewed it by hand because I didn't know if I had a proper needle for my sewing machine.  The potato head form is glued with felt glue to the sheet.  I just need velcro for the pieces. I'm proud of it so far.  It's the start of my quiet book.

10) Speaking of contests I am participating in my first blogger giveaway (see right sidebar).  They are free to participate in and I think it's cool too. I love sweeping so I love helping others find them as well as promoting them. 

Back to square one

So that babysitting job that was sporadic and only for a few hours, but at least was something, looks like it's only going to be going for a few more weeks.

Their jobs are changing, and they would need me more but they can't pay me what I need to make.  

Now I'm pack to square one.  I need to decide if I want to stick with childcare again or go for something different.

Weekly Wrap Up

1) I never thought I would feel this way, but I look at the ultrasound pictures from this week and I get all teary because I can't believe that is my baby.  I can't feel the baby, and I don't look pregnant so it's hard to really feel pregnant sometimes, but to look at that and know what it took to get here it amazing.  I'm turning into a sap. Oh boy.

2) Still no job.  I've sent messages to several families.  As much as I feel like a change, at this point I think child care really is going to be my best option.  It's kind of discouraging me (the jobless thing). It's not that I really expected a job to fall into my lap, but maybe I kind of did.  It's been over 2 weeks since I've worked and I'm getting used to not working.  I've even sent messages to friends I know that work in childcare to let me know if they have heard of anything.

3) Since I'm worried I'm going to get way to used to not working I'm determined to clean the house  Like really clean it.  Yesterday I swept and mopped the bathroom, kitchen and entryway floors.  I even pulled out the stove and cleaned behind it. I wasn't going to try to move the fridge though. I vacuumed the entire upstairs.  I attempted to clean the bathtub but I had a hard time leaning over it. Not because I have a big belly, but it just wasn't comfortable. 

4) I got an iphone this week.  At 27 I finally got my first smartphone.  I'm so grown up now!  Rob got one on Sunday and I was jealous, but mine needed a battery and otherwise it worked fine.  He didn't need the iphone but he needed a new phone.  His screen would go fuzzy, it wouldn't make or get calls or texts. He had an iphone 3.  Then on Monday he came home and said that he felt bad that he got one and I didn't so I got one too.  I'm worried we can't afford it, but it's only $30 extra a month for my data.

5) My best friend will be here tomorrow!  I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving. Yea!

6) Rob is getting mildly annoyed that we haven't told everyone yet.  We did tell his mom Tuesday.  She got Rob the phone. So we brought her a thank you card and Rob wrote it in 'Thanks grandma for getting my dad a new phone. That was nice of you. See you in late September or early October.'  She read it and was like 'Your pregnant?'  She was surprised but excited.
Telling everyone else is getting difficult.  We were going to tell my parents that day, but my dad was sleeping when we stopped by and I didn't want to wake him up (he works third shift), Rob's dad works at Walmart and was working that night.  Rob's sister's husband is out of town this week so we have to wait to tell them together.  My brother still needs to know also as well as my niece (although I'm not as worried about her; she's 7).

Then with my best friend coming this weekend I want to hang out with her.  I don't understand why it's a big deal to wait a few more days.  I know he's excited, but I want to hang out with my friend since I only see her a few times a year.

Overwhelmed

In regards to the job search thing I just feel overwhelmed.

I've said before that the last few jobs fell into my lap, and I haven't had to job search in almost 9 years.  

I don't know where to start.  I suppose I need to write a resume and cover letter, but I admit at 27 I don't know how to do that.  I'm sure I wrote one in high school as a assignment but seeing how that was almost ten years ago I'm sure things have changed a little. 

And frankly I don't know what I want to do.  I've applied for a few child care jobs via care.com, but haven't heard back from them.  It would be ideal to be able to bring the baby with me, and not have to pay child care costs, but taking a job and them knowing that in 6 months I'm going to need a while off seems less likely to happen.

I'm beating a dead horse here because I know I've talked about this before.

Everyday Rob asks me if I've found something.  I wish I could tell him yes, and I wish I could say that I was trying harder.  I feel like I've already become a bum.

I'm nervous and scared and trying to remember that God will provide.  He provided this week already with a few baby necessities.

But then we found out we are getting less back for taxes than we thought, as in several hundred dollars less.  It should be okay since we first were getting more than we thought back. 

Just pray for me okay?

And on a completely random unrelated note I started a fb page for this blog when I first began it.  I haven't updated it since last fall.  I'm going to try to do better about because I think that might be easier for me to do (quick fb updates vs longer blog posts).   There is a tab at the top of my page for it.  Hopefully it worked.  I'm not so tech savvy   But thanks to a great tutorial I figured out how to make a blog button (it's just a practice one; see right sidebar).  Just because all the cool kids have them. :)

Jobless

For the first time since 2004 I don't have a job or even a prospect of one.

It's horrible timing.  Trying to find a job, and being like oh by the way I'm going to work for you for 6 months and then I'm going to need some time off to have a baby. 

Ideally finding something in child care that would allow me to bring the baby would be good, but I'm almost ready for a change. 

Send me some good thoughts.  I need them.