Weaning Eleanor at 22 Months

I dreaded the day we would nurse last.   Like really dreaded it.  I wasn't being forced to wean her at all.   I knew when I got pregnant that I would try to wean her by the end of the summer.  I wanted to have a slight break and knew that it was imperative in order to successfully nurse baby 2.  I didn't want to get burned out on nursing if that makes sense and I knew I didn't want to tandem nurse (totally amazing if you do it;though).  Had I not gotten pregnant I probably would have gone until Eleanor turned 2. 

So with that being said, I decided that when she hit 22 months we would wean.   I felt like she would be okay, by that point we were down to bedtime only, one breast only instead of both, and more often than not she wasn't nursing to sleep and her nursing sessions were shorter.  I knew that we might have some hard times, but she would be okay.  She wasn't nursing multiple times a day and going cold turkey.  I had slowly been cutting back.

I'll miss the moments she would fall asleep on me nursing  

An older picture; she was ten months here

Still, I dreaded it a lot.  I know that for her it was more a comfort thing, but there were still lots of benefits for her health, and mine.

And for me it was a chance to settle down and sit after busy days with her and share a few sweet moments.  There were silly ones as well where she would shove her feet in my mouth and giggle.

Toddler nursing....

That last week I really focused on the nursing.  As much as I love those sweet and silly moments, the truth is that nursing can be boring, and I played on my phone often.   That last week I didn't do that.  I just took in the moment.  I tried to memorize it all.  I failed just so you know.  I wanted to remember the way that sweet little hand would rest on me or occasionally mold into mine.   The way I would brush the hair out of her eyes and she'd smile at me.  

(And with that I'm pausing for a moment as I am trying not to cry)

By the end there was pain when she latched (and this is a pregnancy thing I think), but it would usually dissipate quickly.

I know breastfeeding isn't something every woman is interested in, and that's okay, but I knew it was something I wanted to do.  The benefits are astounding, for both baby and mom.  I set a goal of a year, but as that got closer I decided to keep going until 2.

Most people were supportive; a few asked when I was going to be done, and made comments like 'your not going to nurse much longer are you?"  I don't care or wasn't bothered because what I do with my body is my business.   Full term nursing may not be the norm here (in the USA), and I'm not trying to force what I think on anyone, but as I said, still it's nobody's concern but mine.  

This post isn't intended to be a post about why you should do things my way, it's more about my feelings. And I feel sad.  I feel like I want to nurse her again and have that bond again.

It's been nearly a week since we nursed last and while she has asked a few times she's usually able to be redirected easily.  I feel uncomfortable and full but it's not horrible pain so I'm pushing through.

But I do look forward to nursing another sweet baby through toddlerhood:)

Another weaning post

4 months ago I wrote a post about weaning Eleanor.  

We still are nursing although I have pretty much dropped the morning nursing session and that leaves us with two.  It still makes me feel guilty when she asks for milk and I say no, although usually I can distract her and she actually said 'No milk' when she got up a few days ago.   Today though I almost gave in after having had 4 hours of sleep and just wanting to sit for a minute but I knew I couldn't give in.

I've been nursing her for 20 months.

I've never been away from her for more than ten hours, and that was only a few times when Rob had surgery.  I'm starting to feel this itch to have my body back and have a little more freedom.  

Of course I feel a huge sense of guilt and sadness over it.  Guilt because she loves her milka milka milka. :)

Sadness because I'm going to miss those snuggles so much (getting weepy thinking about it already)

I will especially miss it at night when she curls up in my arms and snuggles in.  I melt.   I know she can go to sleep for other people.  My dad was an expert at getting her down for nap when he would watch her when Rob was sick.  I think Rob could probably do it, but he hasn't yet.  So really being the only one who can put her down get's old.  Yet, knowing I can do something that no one else can do is kind of empowering.  

Although I had hoped to make it until Eleanor turned two, I just don't know if I can.  I think that's okay.  I gave her the best I could. 

I think one of the hardest and guilt inducing parts is that in a perfect world she would wean herself, but she's not so I'm sort of forcing it.  I shouldn't because I should let her decide when she's ready, but nursing has to be mutual and it's getting to be one sided. 

We aren't weaned yet though.  I still have to figure out how to drop the nap time nursing session next and then eventually the nighttime one (obviously that will be the hardest one), but I'm on the path to it.

Are we ready to wean?

Short answer: no

Long answer: no way

Every parent does things differently and makes choices based on what works for their family.  This includes the choice to bottle feed vs. breast feed.  That's fine and I'm not intending to start any sort of debate on what is better (just feed your baby please) .  The one debatable exception would be car seat safety issues since those are proven statistics.  But anyway...

The subject of weaning....


I know this is a highly personal choice and I have major conflicting feelings about it.   Some days I can't imagine it ever ending and some days I think I feel like I have to do it because she's 16 months and our society doesn't like nursing past one (and honestly I'm sure that's pushing it for some).

A sweet shot from last week.  

Actually this (pressure from others) is a real reason.  I know that children around the world nurse for much longer than in the United States.  I know the benefits of it for Eleanor (in 16 months only a few cases of sniffles and mild colds, but that it's and breastfeeding is a big reason), as well as for myself (lower risks of certain cancers for example).  Knowing all these things (scientifically proven things) it's confusing why there is not more acceptance.



Also there is that whole bonding thing and that's real.  If you follow my instagram account  you will see me post pictures of me holding a sleeping Eleanor post bedtime nursing session.  There is something so perfect about a sweet innocent toddler falling asleep nursing.   It's the calm after a busy day.

Currently I've been working on dropping the afternoon nursing session leaving us with 3 most days - morning, before nap and before bedtime as well.  Occasionally there is a middle of the night session and some days there might be an extra session if she is a totally wreck and that's the only thing that will calm her down.

She will often come up to me during the day and sign milk or try to pull down my shirt.  I try to redirect her with a book or a snack or something, but doing so results in guilt usually (on my part).  Why am I depriving her of something she wants?  I do say no when she wants to stick a lotion bottle in her mouth or have a sip of my soda, but why am I saying no to this?   This is good for her. Again, it all comes down to society here and me feeling like it's 'wrong' to do this- this being nursing past one.



But it's stupid because I'm extremely proud of the fact that I have nursed her for 16 months.  It's a huge commitment.



Pumping isn't easy for me (and even if it was she won't take pumped milk) so I can't be away from Eleanor for too long.  I've never had a night away, and I don't think I've ever been apart from her for more than 10 or so hours.

Then there is the fact that I really want to have another baby at some point but I still haven't had a postpartum period.  I know that you can get pregnant while nursing and before getting a period but I think that beginning the weaning process could kick start that and help with getting pregnant again.

The thought of it makes me really anxious though so  for now I'll continue on the path we are on and re-evaluate in a few months.

At what point did you wean?  Was it initiated by you or the child?

The Eleanor Update: 52 Weeks

This is going to be my last weekly update.  That's going to be weird for me. I've spent almost two years doing pregnancy updates and then updates on Eleanor.  

Feeding:

I gave her a plain waffle and she ate the entire thing one morning.  I get in a rut of just feeding her cheerios so I thought I'd try it and since she liked it I know have something else to try.

She had cake at her party on Saturday (I'll get a birthday recap up later this week), but it was a hit. 

I think I've managed to stretch feedings to the 4 hour mark for the most part.

Sleep:

Wednesday night she slept for 10 hours without waking, was up for 3ish and then slept 2 hours).

Saturday night she slept 9-7, and last night she slept until almost 5 am.  Then she didn't go back down until almost 6:30, but slept in until 9:30 almost.

Sleeping through the night hasn't happened much lately so it was a nice change.

Misc:
Tooth number four popped through yesterday.

She's talking more- as in I can understand and pick out words more.  Sometimes I think I hear words and phrases and think that's just me thinking she's a genius but then others hear it and I'm even more sure she is.  My mom heard her say 'thank you' at the same time I did.

My Breastfeeding Must Haves

Eleanor had nothing but breast milk the first six months of her life (when we started on solid food in addition to breast milk).  Even at this point I'd say it still makes up the majority of her nutrition.  From the pictures below you can see how it made my sweet girl grow.

3 days old

2 days short of ten months.

We are just about to hit the ten month mark (tomorrow!).  I'm proud of that.  I battled clogged ducts, toe curling pain when she latched, and the general I have no idea what I'm doing moments.  It was all worth it.

Now that's she's getting older it's easier but still challenging.  Especially when she decides doing handstands while latched on is a good idea. haha.  Most of the time I nurse her in my quiet bedroom because she get's so distracted.

But really I'm not an expert, although I have learned a few things along the way.  Check out my list below of some of the things that really helped us -especially at the beginning!

1)Lansinoh Latchassist Nipple Everter  My nipples were flat and this helped while Eleanor and I were just starting out.  I used it for the first month.

 
 2)Bamboobies Nursing Pads While I luckily didn't have a lot of leaking, I used this and liked these because they were softer than disposable pads.

3) My Brest Friend This would be my pillow of choice.  I never had a boppy (although I had a similar style) and after the c-section couldn't have used that anyway.  I don't use the pillow anymore but that's because I just don't need it as much.

4) I used this as a nipple cream and it helped a lot.  As a plus it's also good as a diaper cream among other things.

 

5) I sat in this chair many days and night feeding Eleanor.  It has a side pocket in which I kept some of the essentials mentioned in this post.

6) I use these to store milk when I pump.  It's not often but I do wanted to have a stash just in case.  I have a few hundred ounces stored in the freezer in these bags.

7)  This was another product that I used to help me adjust to breastfeeding.  It helped with the pain and it helped with the flat nipples as well.

8) A good nursing tank or bra. I had a hard time finding ones that were really supportive and fit well.  They worked fine (still using them) but I didn't/don't love them.  Find one you love and then buy them in all the colors.  Seriously.  I have 3 different styles out of the five I have.

9) While not a tangible thing, having support is huge.  I went to a local support group for the first time when she was about 5 weeks old and if I am blessed to have another child someday I will go even sooner.   I read books and blogs and even watched you tube videos but actually getting help in person was so much nicer. 

The Eleanor update: 33 weeks

Feeding:  We tried a few new foods this week. I found that she did like raspberries.  They made a mess though but she liked them.  

We were out to eat at Logan's and she was fussy so she ate a roll, and then attempted a french fry and a brewski onion.   This morning I gave her a bite of my raisin toast and that was a hit.

Eating a roll at Logan's.

She's been getting wild when nursing so I'm sometimes worried she's not getting enough because I still never feel that letdown.  Or when she get's bored she get's super squirmy and twists all over. While latched on.  That's fun.  

Oh and I did find that she loved these (Happy Munchies Rice Cakes).  I've only tried the carrot but I did get some apple from Target.  I had a coupon otherwise they are kind of pricey for what you get it. 

Sleep:

Rough this week.  She's wanted to stay up late and it's a problem because she's tired.  When she finally falls asleep she's usually okay, one maybe two wakeups.  A couple nights she slept 7+ hours (usually 5-6).  I actually had to kind of wake her to nurse her because I was getting uncomfortable. 

Naps have been in the car pretty much all week. I hate that, because I want her to nap in her crib at least once a day.

Misc:

She got a mild sunburn Saturday despite my reapplying sunscreen several times, and keeping her inside most of the peak sun hours.  I feel awful.

Then on Sunday after we got home and she woke up from a carseat nap I took her outside for just a minute to see Rob and then came back in. I was holding her the whole time.  When we came back in I nursed her and 25 minutes later when she was done, realized she had been bleeding from behind her ear.  It wasn't gushing blood but there was enough to concern me (and it was also on my arm).  So I brought her back out to Rob and he said that something similar had happened to the neighbor kid.  She got bit by something but I don't know what.  Any ideas?

First Ponytail

We had a few rough days where I couldn't leave the room without her having a mini meltdown.  Every single time. 

If you want to see more pictures (although many are repeats) follow me on instagram (@kelle017).