Overwhelmed

In regards to the job search thing I just feel overwhelmed.

I've said before that the last few jobs fell into my lap, and I haven't had to job search in almost 9 years.  

I don't know where to start.  I suppose I need to write a resume and cover letter, but I admit at 27 I don't know how to do that.  I'm sure I wrote one in high school as a assignment but seeing how that was almost ten years ago I'm sure things have changed a little. 

And frankly I don't know what I want to do.  I've applied for a few child care jobs via care.com, but haven't heard back from them.  It would be ideal to be able to bring the baby with me, and not have to pay child care costs, but taking a job and them knowing that in 6 months I'm going to need a while off seems less likely to happen.

I'm beating a dead horse here because I know I've talked about this before.

Everyday Rob asks me if I've found something.  I wish I could tell him yes, and I wish I could say that I was trying harder.  I feel like I've already become a bum.

I'm nervous and scared and trying to remember that God will provide.  He provided this week already with a few baby necessities.

But then we found out we are getting less back for taxes than we thought, as in several hundred dollars less.  It should be okay since we first were getting more than we thought back. 

Just pray for me okay?

And on a completely random unrelated note I started a fb page for this blog when I first began it.  I haven't updated it since last fall.  I'm going to try to do better about because I think that might be easier for me to do (quick fb updates vs longer blog posts).   There is a tab at the top of my page for it.  Hopefully it worked.  I'm not so tech savvy   But thanks to a great tutorial I figured out how to make a blog button (it's just a practice one; see right sidebar).  Just because all the cool kids have them. :)

Doubting Myself

Today I feel like I'm going to be the worst mom ever.


I let the 11 month old that I watch get hurt today. The gas fireplace was on, I
forgot about it, got distracted cleaning up lunch, and he touched the glass and
burned his hands.

He cried for a hour before falling asleep. He seemed 'okay' (and by that I mean he didn't cry) when he woke up. He was looking at his hands a lot and recoiled when he tried to crawl, but he ate a bottle and was smiling at his sister.

His dad was on the opposite side of the state somewhere 3+ hours a way, and I didn't have a number for him. The mom was in meetings (I have no idea at which office) and didn't get my message until 5pm. Looking back I should have looked up the number in the phone book and started calling the offices. Maybe I should have just taken him to the ER.

They are in the process of moving and things are all packed up and all over so I could only find the baby lotion and I put some of that on his hands

When she (the mom) did get the message she called the doctors after hours and had me talk to the nurse so I could tell her about the blisters since the mom wasn't home.

When the mom did get home and saw them (one hand has blisters on the finger tips, the other on the palm) she started crying because she felt bad for him which of course made me cry because it was my fault for not watching him close enough.

The mom knows how he is into everything and knows that I didn't do it on purpose, but it doesn't make me feel better.

I cried when I got into the car to go home because I just feel like if I can't keep a kid safe from 8-5:30 how am I going to keep my own safe all the time.



I cried to Rob when he got home because of my fears and he tried to make me feel better but I don't. I calmed down after a while and stopped crying.

His mom just called to let me know they are leaving the ER. They think they are 2nd degree burns. The doctors put some stuff on it and said in a few days the blisters should pop. They are going to a burn specialist tomorrow just because he's so young and they want to make sure their is no lasting damage.

So while it looks like he will be okay, I still feel horrible (as if you couldn't tell already). And yes, I did cry again when I got off the phone with the mom.

Trying to be calm

My first ultrasound is today.
The few symptoms I've had I could blame on progesterone.
I'm so nervous that the doctor is going to say sorry, there is no baby there.
Luckily Rob is probably going to be able to be there with me.  I didn't think he would be able to be there, but I am glad that he probably will.  If the ultrasound goes bad, I don't want to have to tell him later, and if it goes good I don't want to tell him that I heard the heartbeat if he doesn't get to.