Last night we went out to dinner and played trivia and I had a drink. I came home and because I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and had a buzz I was sleeping by 9:30. Rob had gone over to the neighbors after I went to sleep and woke up around 11:30 when he got home. I was up until about 1, woke up at 2, and then slept until 7:30 and then back to bed until 9:30. I am a poor sleeper usually and a 3 hour stretch without waking up is good for me so a 5 1/2 hour felt great.
My cramps have been moderate today, but I haven't been bleeding to badly. Heavier than normal and heavier than last time, but not enough that I am worried.
Today I've done my best to keep busy so I don't have time to dwell on things. I painted a room today in our house and pinned lots of crafts that I want to do and meal planned and just tried to stay busy.
Emotionally I'm doing so much better than I thought I would. I'm still really bummed about it, but for me now that I know there has to be an issue, I just want to figure it out and do something about. I am sure there has to be something going on.
Some of my bumps friends have suggested that it may be low progesterone and/or my lp (lutel phase) may be to short and B-6 may help. When I get into the doctor I'm going to talk to them about these things. All of you bumpies have been so amazing and I am so appreciative of it. It sucks not really having anyone that I know in real life to talk about it with, but I love that you ladies 'get' it.
Rob wants to try again, and while I do want to, I think that I need to take a cycle or so off. At least for my mental sake. I don't want to go through this a third time. I guess it depends on when I can get into an ob/gyn and what they say about it though.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
I can't believe this is happening again.
I hate hate hate that I have to write this post again.
Yesterday my temp took a HUGE drop and I knew I was out. No bleeding, but it dropped again today and when I tested with a wondfo at 5:30 it was negative. I knew I couldn't go back to sleep after that some just laid back int bed and thought I was going to be sick. Now I just have to wait for the bleeding to start.
Rob was sleeping In the spare room because he didn't want to keep me awake last night. I didn't want to wake him up but at 6:30 I went in there and crawled into bed with him. I needed him. He was a annoyed at first until I told him what happened. Then he was awesome and just let me cry and held me. Last time I had a c/p be was supportive the night I told him, but the next day he didn't even call to see how I was doing and didn't come home until late. I was pissed about that.
His alarm kept going off and he kept hitting the snooze, and I told him that I know he had to get up. And he was like its okay I can call in. I know it's tough. I was so tempted but I work as a nanny and there is no one else, so I didn't want to call in. Even though being with kids is not at all where I want to be today. I can be okay with the 3year old, but the 6 month old is making me cry a little.
I just feel like the whole thing is a joke. How can this honestly be happening twice? And in row. I got pregnant on cycle 2 and was thrilled it happened so fast, but that ended in a c/p. Then I got pregnant again the next cycle and while I was scared and really nervous, I was really trying to relax. But 2 in a row, something isn't right. I won't be able to do much this weekend, but I'm going to find an ob/gyn and try to get an appt next week.
Honestly I don't even know if I want to try again for a while. I think I'm going to be taking a break from the whole thing. No temping, opk's, no being on the bump etc.
Yesterday my temp took a HUGE drop and I knew I was out. No bleeding, but it dropped again today and when I tested with a wondfo at 5:30 it was negative. I knew I couldn't go back to sleep after that some just laid back int bed and thought I was going to be sick. Now I just have to wait for the bleeding to start.
Rob was sleeping In the spare room because he didn't want to keep me awake last night. I didn't want to wake him up but at 6:30 I went in there and crawled into bed with him. I needed him. He was a annoyed at first until I told him what happened. Then he was awesome and just let me cry and held me. Last time I had a c/p be was supportive the night I told him, but the next day he didn't even call to see how I was doing and didn't come home until late. I was pissed about that.
His alarm kept going off and he kept hitting the snooze, and I told him that I know he had to get up. And he was like its okay I can call in. I know it's tough. I was so tempted but I work as a nanny and there is no one else, so I didn't want to call in. Even though being with kids is not at all where I want to be today. I can be okay with the 3year old, but the 6 month old is making me cry a little.
I just feel like the whole thing is a joke. How can this honestly be happening twice? And in row. I got pregnant on cycle 2 and was thrilled it happened so fast, but that ended in a c/p. Then I got pregnant again the next cycle and while I was scared and really nervous, I was really trying to relax. But 2 in a row, something isn't right. I won't be able to do much this weekend, but I'm going to find an ob/gyn and try to get an appt next week.
Honestly I don't even know if I want to try again for a while. I think I'm going to be taking a break from the whole thing. No temping, opk's, no being on the bump etc.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I need to relax
Every little cramp or twinge is freaking me out. I know that it can be normal and they aren't really painful, but I want to test every single time. I seriously had a test in my hand last night and was ready to test, but I didn't and was proud of myself.
Then I woke up this morning and my temp was down, and so I tested and it was the faintest of lines.
I know that it's still early (12dpo) and a line is a line. But I want dark lines. I will feel better.
I just can't shake the fear that something will happen again. Logically it's dumb and nothing I do will change it, but I just feel dread and nervousness. And I should enjoy this time and be excited.
If I can make it through the weekend I will be more pregnant than I was last time, and I will call and find an ob/gyn and make an appointment.
I just need to chill out and relax. I know this. But it's always on my mind; the what if's?
Then I woke up this morning and my temp was down, and so I tested and it was the faintest of lines.
I know that it's still early (12dpo) and a line is a line. But I want dark lines. I will feel better.
I just can't shake the fear that something will happen again. Logically it's dumb and nothing I do will change it, but I just feel dread and nervousness. And I should enjoy this time and be excited.
If I can make it through the weekend I will be more pregnant than I was last time, and I will call and find an ob/gyn and make an appointment.
I just need to chill out and relax. I know this. But it's always on my mind; the what if's?
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Shut the front door.
Got Bfp #2 today! Praying like crazy that this one sticks. I just had a c/p last cycle, so I in no way thought it would happen this cycle.
My due date (based on ovulation) is June 28, which makes me 3 weeks 3 days today.
~~~The Story~~~
I tested yesterday at 9dpo (I know it was to early, I was getting antsy), and it was negative. I decided to test again today at 10dpo. I thought I saw a line on a wondfo, but it was so faint I wasn't sure. I checked it before I left for work (35 minutes later, I know it invalidates the test) and there was a faint, but visible line.
I grabbed a frer and took it to work with me. I tested and within 3 minutes another faint, but clearly visible line showed up. I could not believe it. I took a pic and just kept looking at it all day long. I tested when I got home with a wondfo (another super faint line), and a frer (another line just like before).
Honestly I'm really kind of nervous and scared. I know if something happens that it isn't my fault and there wasn't anything I could do about it, but I was really sad after the c/p so I don't want to get my hopes up and get excited, but I am excited. Shocked it happened so quickly as well.
I had sore boobs at 8dpo and today. I also had a backache/headache over the weekend, but I don't think that it pregnancy related. I feel a little icky today (but it's still really early)
Last bfp I didn't really have any symptoms. I got my barely there squint at it kind of line at 11dpo and a clear positive at 12dpo, so this cycle I got a positive earlier.
A few weeks ago I won a 8x10 canvas print, but haven't chosen a picture yet. So when dh finally got home tonight, I said 'hey I figured out what picture I want for the canvas' and showed him a pic of the frer. Then I said 'I'm pregnant again.' I had not even mentioned anything about the 2ww (two week wait; time between ovulation and testing). I didn't even tell him that I had o'd (only that I thought I might have before it was confirmed). He said 'awesome' and we hugged. He's nervous too because of what happened last cycle.
My due date (based on ovulation) is June 28, which makes me 3 weeks 3 days today.
~~~The Story~~~
I tested yesterday at 9dpo (I know it was to early, I was getting antsy), and it was negative. I decided to test again today at 10dpo. I thought I saw a line on a wondfo, but it was so faint I wasn't sure. I checked it before I left for work (35 minutes later, I know it invalidates the test) and there was a faint, but visible line.
I grabbed a frer and took it to work with me. I tested and within 3 minutes another faint, but clearly visible line showed up. I could not believe it. I took a pic and just kept looking at it all day long. I tested when I got home with a wondfo (another super faint line), and a frer (another line just like before).
Honestly I'm really kind of nervous and scared. I know if something happens that it isn't my fault and there wasn't anything I could do about it, but I was really sad after the c/p so I don't want to get my hopes up and get excited, but I am excited. Shocked it happened so quickly as well.
I had sore boobs at 8dpo and today. I also had a backache/headache over the weekend, but I don't think that it pregnancy related. I feel a little icky today (but it's still really early)
Last bfp I didn't really have any symptoms. I got my barely there squint at it kind of line at 11dpo and a clear positive at 12dpo, so this cycle I got a positive earlier.
A few weeks ago I won a 8x10 canvas print, but haven't chosen a picture yet. So when dh finally got home tonight, I said 'hey I figured out what picture I want for the canvas' and showed him a pic of the frer. Then I said 'I'm pregnant again.' I had not even mentioned anything about the 2ww (two week wait; time between ovulation and testing). I didn't even tell him that I had o'd (only that I thought I might have before it was confirmed). He said 'awesome' and we hugged. He's nervous too because of what happened last cycle.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Friday Five 10/12
1) We have a new niece! Elisabeth Kara (Libby) was born on 10-9. My best friend was also born this day (although 28 years earlier, lol) so that is kind of fun.
I was trying to format these pics a little bit better but here are a few. I can't wait to have my own baby someday. :)
I was trying to format these pics a little bit better but here are a few. I can't wait to have my own baby someday. :)
2) Rob cleared room in the garage for me to park. We didn't use the garage at all last winter, which I guess we were lucky it was so mild. I didn't expect to park in it this winter either, but he came home one day and cleaned it out. I didn't ask him to or expect him to, but I really am happy he did. Major win husband points for him. Love it!
3) I've been doing better about trying to cook (expect for tonight because we need to eat leftovers up). I made fajitas yesterday (and that took a long time to cut up everything). I used greek yogurt instead of sour cream and I liked it, but Rob didn't at all. He didn't even put it on his fajita, just tried a bite of mine.
4) I had a short work week this week. I worked Monday & Wednesday. Although I am working tomorrow actually; not thrilled about that, but I need the money. So since I was off today I went to Lisa's and helped her with Trav & Libby. Love those kiddo's. :)
5) I haven't won anything in contests in almost 2 weeks. But I haven't had as much time with the new job to do them, so that may be why.
6) I bought Halloween candy this week (for the trick or treaters) and that may not have been my smartest choice, because not only did I buy it early, but I bought the kind I like to it. It's tempting me.
7) I haven't mentioned anything ttc related to Rob in the last week. It's been tough because I want to talk about it, but I'm sure he was sick of me saying something about it everyday, and he hasn't mentioned anything so either he hasn't noticed or doesn't care. I did ovulate this cycle so I'll know next week if I am pregnant. Fingers crossed.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
Friday Five 10/5/12
1) I got out some Halloween decorations this week. I forgot I had bought a costume on clearance last year so I was excited to find that. I also found other decorations I had forgotten about so it felt like Christmas pulling those things out.
2) Rob's sister is due today with baby number 2, but so far nothing. Trav was a day late and looks like this baby isn't ready to come out either. If he/she isn't here by Tuesday, she will be induced.
3) I bought a Roku box last week so that my tv which has been sitting in the corner of the spare room since we got married could be used, Then Rob learned that it had hunting channels and the game Angry Birds on it, and he wanted to watch/play those on the 42' tv as opposed to the 19' inch, so once again the tv is sitting unused ::facepalm:::
4) I got my flu shot yesterday. I went to Target because I had a coupon for a free $10 gift card if I got my shot there. Last year I got it at Meijer's and neither insurance (I had an overlap from my policy and being added to Rob's) covered it, so I wasn't even going to run the card, but when the pharmacist asked I said to try it, and it worked. So my flu shot was covered and I got a $10 gift card. It probably cost a gallon of gas to get there (which is about $4.00 here), but still worth it to me.
5) Netflix really needs to update some shows and add new seasons. I've been watching for new seasons of Bones, How I Met Your Mother, Psych for a long time and nothing yet.
I also got a positive opk again this morning (36hrs after the first) and then this evening it was white in the test area. Since I've started testing at day 11 I've had at least a faint line in the test area, but I'm hoping this means I did ovulate. And this at least helped our timing by letting us hit an extra day or two. I'll keep temping and if it's not confirmed by early next week, then I may start using opk's again. I probably used 30 this cycle (double normal). Thank you amazon for wondfo's. So I guess we shall see if I get bfp#2(if o is confirmed) in a few weeks. Doubtful but I can dream.
2) Rob's sister is due today with baby number 2, but so far nothing. Trav was a day late and looks like this baby isn't ready to come out either. If he/she isn't here by Tuesday, she will be induced.
3) I bought a Roku box last week so that my tv which has been sitting in the corner of the spare room since we got married could be used, Then Rob learned that it had hunting channels and the game Angry Birds on it, and he wanted to watch/play those on the 42' tv as opposed to the 19' inch, so once again the tv is sitting unused ::facepalm:::
4) I got my flu shot yesterday. I went to Target because I had a coupon for a free $10 gift card if I got my shot there. Last year I got it at Meijer's and neither insurance (I had an overlap from my policy and being added to Rob's) covered it, so I wasn't even going to run the card, but when the pharmacist asked I said to try it, and it worked. So my flu shot was covered and I got a $10 gift card. It probably cost a gallon of gas to get there (which is about $4.00 here), but still worth it to me.
5) Netflix really needs to update some shows and add new seasons. I've been watching for new seasons of Bones, How I Met Your Mother, Psych for a long time and nothing yet.
I also got a positive opk again this morning (36hrs after the first) and then this evening it was white in the test area. Since I've started testing at day 11 I've had at least a faint line in the test area, but I'm hoping this means I did ovulate. And this at least helped our timing by letting us hit an extra day or two. I'll keep temping and if it's not confirmed by early next week, then I may start using opk's again. I probably used 30 this cycle (double normal). Thank you amazon for wondfo's. So I guess we shall see if I get bfp#2(if o is confirmed) in a few weeks. Doubtful but I can dream.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
A Positive Opk!!
Yesterday morning my line was the darkest it's been, (but not positive) and at lunch time it was so close that I wasn't sure, but I finally got a clear positive yesterday evening. I tested this morning (15 hours later) and I got the darkest test line I think I've ever had.
So yeah for that! I should have not been so whiny and all Debbie downer about the whole thing, because that feels a little silly to me now; I knew this might happen. I've gotten +opk's between cycle days 16-19 in the past so getting +opk'a on days 22-23 isn't late much later. While this doesn't mean I will ovulate this cycle, it still makes me happy!
Thanks for the encouragement lobo. :)
So yeah for that! I should have not been so whiny and all Debbie downer about the whole thing, because that feels a little silly to me now; I knew this might happen. I've gotten +opk's between cycle days 16-19 in the past so getting +opk'a on days 22-23 isn't late much later. While this doesn't mean I will ovulate this cycle, it still makes me happy!
Thanks for the encouragement lobo. :)
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Weird Pregnancy Dream
I had a dream that I was pregnant, only I didn't know it until the very end. I don't know why or how I didn't know. We went to tell my parents and I remember in the dream I was standing at the bottom of the deck steps and I said "I'm pregnant" and they said "When are you due?" And then I said "Tomorrow" "They were quite shocked; I didn't have any signs of pregnancy. I didn't even have any weight gain. No way was I 40 weeks, but I was.
And then I was going to have the baby and we were going to deliver outside at the creek behind my parents house. I swear my ob was Jenni from Jenni from the blog. So I was being examined internally and the ob was like "Yep, healthy baby, good heartbeat, we will know soon if it's a boy or girl" Heartbeat from an internal, say what? (I know they do this early pregnancy, but I was full term). I don't remember anything after this point.
In real life while I'd love to someday do a home-birth (but Rob isn't on board, so it won't be happening), I'm pretty sure an outdoor birth isn't happening.
My new niece/nephew should be born in the next week. So excited about that!!!
And still no positive or even darker line on an opk. It's CD21 now. I'm tired of testing several times a day. Temps aren't showing anything either. I'm giving the opk's a few more days and then I may take a break from them and just temp.
And then I was going to have the baby and we were going to deliver outside at the creek behind my parents house. I swear my ob was Jenni from Jenni from the blog. So I was being examined internally and the ob was like "Yep, healthy baby, good heartbeat, we will know soon if it's a boy or girl" Heartbeat from an internal, say what? (I know they do this early pregnancy, but I was full term). I don't remember anything after this point.
In real life while I'd love to someday do a home-birth (but Rob isn't on board, so it won't be happening), I'm pretty sure an outdoor birth isn't happening.
My new niece/nephew should be born in the next week. So excited about that!!!
And still no positive or even darker line on an opk. It's CD21 now. I'm tired of testing several times a day. Temps aren't showing anything either. I'm giving the opk's a few more days and then I may take a break from them and just temp.
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