Round 2: 31 Weeks

How far along: 31 weeks.  Down to single digit weeks

Baby Size:  

Weight:  I was back up a few pounds this week.  That puts me up at about 28 pounds total.

Symptoms:   

• Restless legs
• Exhaustion
• Back pain
• Reflux
• Sorry for this one because it's a little tmi so consider yourself warned, but extra discharge, especially when I wipe sometimes. 

Maternity Clothes:  I found a few non maternity tops in my closet that totally let the belly hang out.  I had to put away some of the t-shirts because they don't cover it either.

Sleep:  I have gotten a few longer stretches, but I usually have Eleanor in my bed so maybe that helps because I don't have to worry about getting up if she cries.  But then again she's a bed hog and I sometimes feel little kicks in my back from her.

Cravings/Food Aversions:  I've not been very hungry lately at all.  I still snack all the time though.

Belly Button:  95% of the time it's out out, 5% of the time it's out.  Does that make sense? lol.  So sometimes it's really protruding and sometimes it's out but more on the shallow side. 

Rings on or off: On

Gender:  

Name:  We need a girl middle name,but I haven't thought much about it at all. 

Movement: Yep, often now and it is uncomfortable.  This baby moves much more than Eleanor did. 

Stretch Marks:  Darkening on my belly but I haven't really noticed them elsewhere. 

Best moment:   I bought a back of newborn sized onesies for the baby!  And I won a giveaway for a gift certificate to Button's diapers (the ones I just reviewed) so I can get more diapers!

Looking forward to:   Meeting this baby,

Nervous about:  Going into labor on my own and being home with Eleanor alone.  My dad was my child care plan but he bought a snowplow business and being due in February kind of messes with that.  My sister will be out of town around my due date so 

What I miss:  Bending over without being uncomfortable


Labor signs: Having some Braxton Hicks lately

Appointments:  December 15, December 29, January 12, January 19, January 26, and February 2.  Yesterday I just went ahead and scheduled them all to make it easier on me. 

Misc.  I talked to my doctor about my vbac plans yesterday.  He is willing to let me go up tp 42 weeks (which is standard for vaginal deliveries anyway) before I will need a c-section.  He said around 41 1/2 weeks they schedule the c-section if it becomes needed. 

I asked about a situation like with Eleanor where my water broke but no contractions because they won't do an induction and he said in that case they will bend the rules and allow me to have something.

I feel like I'm forgetting something about that conversation but overall I feel good about it. 

I got a tetanus shot yesterday and my arm is so sore!

Eleanor is 7 months

7 months already.  We are more than halfway to a year and I look back at pictures and get sad that my memories are already fading a little.

Eleanor:
She's become very mobile with scooting but only going backwards.  She hasn't figured out how to go forwards although she does get up on all fours and rock.

She can roll and turn herself to get where she wants also.

We've been doing solids and have tried several vegetables and a few fruits and she's been pretty good with everything she's tried.  No reactions yet.

No teeth yet.

Still breastfeeding about every 3 hours but really I just follow her cues.  Sometimes it's less and sometimes more.

She's moved up to size 3 diapers for disposables although I use cloth most of the time - expect if we are out of the house and Rob still uses disposables (but will take off a cloth).

Clothes are mostly in the 6-9 month range, pajamas with feet are in the 9 month size and when she wears a cloth diaper I go up to 9 month usually.

Likes the vacuum and anything anyone else has. :)


Me:
Last week I started to have some random stomach pain and I realized that it was near the c-section site and was most likely connected.  Since then it's been on and off.  I haven't had any issues from the time I was 'healed' (November ish) but I know it's normal to have some for a long time post surgery.

Still losing hair like crazy.  It's worse when I wear it down, and I usually don't but it get's out of control sometimes.  I have to vacuum all the time now that Eleanor is mobile (not that I didn't ever vacuum before)

Mom guilt

Yeah, even though Eleanor's only been here for a month I already have mom guilt.  A lot of it comes from the c-section.

I know that having a c-section doesn't make me any less of a mom, but sometimes I feel like I failed because I had one and didn't deliver Eleanor the 'right' way.

I don't think it's affected how I interact with her, and we still bonded fine, but I feel like I got cheated out of certain things.

When I heard her cry for the first time I couldn't even see her.

I didn't get to hold her for a little while.  I had to wait until they had finished patching me all up.  I touched her face and kissed her when Rob held her next to me, but I wish I could have had that moment where they put her on my chest.

I feel like having the c-section means I can't or won't be able to delivery vaginally if/when we have another child because I know a lot of doctors don't do VBAC's (vaginal birth after cesarean).

In the operating room the doctor said something about a 10% chance and something about 39 weeks, but I had just had a baby removed from me, was on pain meds, and wasn't really focusing well on what she was saying.

We didn't have a set time for when we would try for number 2, but I had hoped maybe late next summer or sometime around her first birthday.  I don't know what my ob recommends (I'll ask at my 6 week checkup), but I'm confident they will say to wait longer than with a vaginal delivery.

I really don't like the way I look  I know I'm only a few weeks out and I never expected to bounce back (9 months to put it on, 9 months to lose it), but I worry my stomach will always be flabby like it is now.  It's so soft and hangs there and I don't even like Rob to look at it.

I know to some readers I sound ungrateful and I have a healthy daughter and should be happy with that.  I just went into the labor process expecting it to go one way, and it's hard to adjust to a different mindset.

Another thing I struggle with is I feel like I should interact with when she's awake, but sometimes I want to just relax and online shop or read blogs and enter contests (which never happens) and then I feel bad for wanting a minute to myself.  I love being with her.

I feel like I should enjoy all the snuggles I get from her.  I do and especially after she is done nursing and just wants to snuggle.  I usually take a few minutes and then want to put her down and do the dishes or laundry or like I said about just take a minute to myself.  She's only so little once and I will miss her when she grows up so I should enjoy them all right now.

I feel bad for never doing skin to skin with her other than a few times in the hospital.  I actually tried a week or so ago, but she was so squirmy I had to stop.  I know there are so many benefits but I just don't do it.

I'm not the only one who deals with mom guilt.  How do you deal?  What do you feel bad about?

Weekly Wrap Up 10/18

1) Since I haven't had the time to enter contests I haven't won anything in several weeks. And even if I had the time I haven't had any desire to do anything, but snuggle sweet baby girl.  I have gotten a few prizes in the mail that I had won before Eleanor was born though.

I got the chicco travel system, a veggie tales DVD, a lorax DVD, $75 in visa debit cards, a multi-drawer storage unit & coupons for food products

2) Pain wise, I'm doing much better this week than a week ago.  Last weekend was really rough, but I don't take my pain meds very often now.  I use my belly binder almost 24/7, usually only taking it off to shower or for a few minutes rest.  I only am nervous that now that I'm feeling better I'm going to overdue it and not realize it until it's to late. 

3) My county has a program where they offer a one time home nurse visit shortly after giving birth.  I don't know if it's just for first time moms or all moms. I took advantage of the program this week. It was such a good visit though.  The nurse came and chatted about how I was doing, asking questions about if I had support and how I was coping.  She weighed Eleanor, and answered questions I had about breastfeeding and went over a bunch of resources available to us.  She even checked my incision and said it looked good.  Eleanor got a book and a sleep sack.  It was a fantastic program and I hope they are able to continue it.

4) I know this is a bit lame, but after much begging, we finally got a chest freezer.  I'm super happy about it, and am excited to be able to stock up when I see sales and to be able to start pumping and storing breast milk.  Apparently I offended Rob though because I made a comment about how when he wants something (like a new crossbow) he gets it, but a practical need like a freezer takes way to long.

5) My best friend was in town this week to visit baby girl.  She was over almost everyday and Eleanor got so many good snuggles in.  I still got nothing done, even though I could have since she was busy being loved on.

6) I went to the grocery store last night to get milk.  I went by myself and even though I was only gone a short time I missed her.  It was the first time I left her, and it was just kind of strange not having her with me. It was also the first time I'd driven in a few weeks, and even that was a little odd.   

Other than that quick trip to the grocery store, and the two trips to the pediatricians, I haven't left the house.  I still have a weight lifting restriction (only can lift her for the first two weeks) so I can't lift her and her car seat.  It's a little difficult to put her in and out of the car seat if I were to leave it in there, so we've just stayed at home.  I do have a few appointments next week so we are going to have to get out of the house. 

7) I've mentioned this before but I love how good Rob is with her.  He actually slept in our room last night, and she was making a little noise this morning around 7 am.  I had just fed and changed her so I wasn't to worried about her, but he got up out of bed, got her and hung out in the living room so I could get some more sleep. He's a great dad. 

8) And as always, here are some pictures of my sweet girl. 

Eleanor's Birth Story ~ 10-7-13

Pretty much every day after 37 weeks I would wake up and wonder if this was going to be the day we would meet our daughter.  And then with each passing day I got more and more nervous. Especially as I waved goodbye to 37 weeks, then 38 weeks, and then I passed the 39 week mark.  I began to think she wasn't going to come on her own, and just set a date in my mind and said that's when we will meet her.  For me I'd been saying 10-3 for a while (which would be 40 weeks 2 days). 

And then that day passed, and the next day passed and the next day.  By the time I got past 40 weeks I was done.  I was frustrated that she wasn't coming and that nothing (sex, walking, bouncing on a ball) was helping.

At 40 weeks 2 days I had an appointment and a non stress test, that went fine, and I scheduled my next appointment for October 7  (Read about it here)

At 40 weeks 4 days I went to my cousins wedding. When she first told me the date I told her I probably wouldn't be there, because I expected to have a newborn.  Joke was on me.  My extended family was surprised to see me still there.   Baby wasn't showing any signs of showing up though so I decided to make the best and have at least one more night out. 

I planned to ask about an induction at my appointment at 40 weeks 6 days.  I know I wanted to do my best to induce labor naturally, but selfishly I was over it and wanted to meet her.  

I wondered if I would even know if I was really in labor.  Anytime I would feel off; crampy, nauseous, etc... I'd wonder if this was it.  I'd heard that when it's time you'll know, but still I wondered.

I was checked at 35 weeks 3 days and hadn't really made progress, but it was still early so I wasn't worried about it.

I knew baby had her head down (it had been that way from at least 28 weeks), because I could feel her hiccups and the doctor confirmed it again at each appointment.

I'm pretty sure right at 37 weeks she dropped a little because I started to feel pressure when I would be walking that I hadn't felt before.  My bump didn't look any lower, but I was breathing just a little easier. 

I think one of the things I was nervous about was it happening when Rob was at work and out on a car run.  If he was at the shop he could be home in about 30-40 minutes, but otherwise it could be a lot longer.  Not that I expected to have to make a mad dash to the hospital being a first time mom and all.

And since I didn't have group b strep I had planned to wait a little longer before going anyway since I didn't need the antibiotics. 

So going into I wanted to try an un-medicated birth because I didn't like the idea of being stuck in a bed (if I got an epidural) , but I also knew that I may not be able to handle the pain so kind of planned that I would wind up going that route, so I wouldn't be disappointed or discouraged when it happened and I reacted like this. 

I wanted Rob to watch her being born.   I just worried he would wind up like this. Haha

Or I would see this face

So I woke up on Sunday morning (40 weeks 5 days), got up and used the bathroom and as I was climbing back into bed I felt a small gush.  I went back to the bathroom, wondered if it was my water breaking, but assumed not since I wasn't having contractions and I knew it rarely happened as a first sign.  I changed my underwear, put a new pantyliner on and climbed back to bed (with a towel down on top of the sheets in addition to the one underneath).  Every time I moved I would leak a little and after 30 minutes I got up, changed my underwear again, put on a heavier pad, and switched towels and slept for about 45 minutes.  

When I got back up, Rob was up and I told him that I 'think' my water may have started to leak.  10 minutes later I was sitting on the couch and felt the little gushes and got up with my empty cereal bowl in hand and then started to run.  I didn't make it to the bathroom all the way before I had soaked through another pad, another pair of underwear, my shorts and still had fluid running down my legs.  I yelled for Rob and then started laughing.  He walked in and I was like "uh so I'm pretty sure my water just broke"  He said "I've never known you to pee yourself so it must have been."

And then it was like this in the house....

Actually not really.  I got in the shower and then called the on-call doctor while Rob took a shower and we finished grabbing some last minute stuff and headed on in.

I was still leaking a ton of fluid (I changed underwear and pads a few more times post shower) and sat on two towels on the way there (I didn't want to leak over my pants so I had on a skirt hiked up to my waist that I pulled back down when we got there..  Rob pulled up to the maternity entrance and even though I was capable of walking I got into the wheelchair.  When we got to the triage room I had leaked more...surprise surprise and when I stood I said "yeah you might need to wipe that down"

I was checked and was still at the 3 cm I had been at my last appointment.  They mentioned pitocin, but I wasn't ready to go that route yet so I asked for more time.

By 3:00 we had been in our labor room for a little while and I agreed to start pitocin because I still wasn't contracting.  I had some issues with the on call being rude about my decision to wait, and I was really upset about it and couldn't stop crying.  I wasn't against it, but the fact that she mentioned it even before I was ever to the hospital and constantly pushed it made me mad.  I will say that the nurses were amazing and really advocated for me.

So I started it a little after 3 pm on the 6th and they slowly upped it until I was at 10 cm about 12 hours later.  Hearing I was complete was awesome.

At around 9 pm I got my epidural.  I was 5 cm.  I could feel those contractions coming on and would just take my puke bucket (I never actually puked) and would just bury my face in it.   I had Rob call the nurse back in, she could tell the pain I was in, and asked if that was what I wanted.  I said yes, and the anesthesiologist came in.  Having to work through contractions during the placement was kind of rough.   

Then the pushing started.  I pushed for a few hours in different positions, using different techniques and nothing was happening.  I was feeling pressure and her head was visible when I pushed, but she just wasn't moving anymore.  

The doctor left the room and I said to Rob something about being okay with a c-section at this point.  He was okay with whatever I wanted. I was exhausted.  My back was really hurting and I was falling asleep in between pushes, I was going on 21 hours since my water broke, and I was done.  I was almost 41 weeks pregnant. I didn't want to have to go that route of c-section, but I didn't feel like a vaginal delivery was going to happen.

So when the doctor came back in and said something about just not making progress and a c-section I said I was okay with it.  

After that things moved fairly quickly.  There was no emergency, she was doing fine, but they moved things along.  They got Rob all scrubbed up, and me prepped to go.

  My mom had been there since 9pm the night before, but knowing it would be a few more hours before she could see us again I told her to head home and come back later.  She was pretty tired as well.

So I was wheeled to the operating room, they started to prep me the rest of the way, and then Rob was brought in. The anesthesiologist kept poking me and asking which poke hurt worse.  I could feel them, but neither hurt and I felt like I was failing a test and didn't know the right answer.

  I didn't see this, but apparently they had a timer on the wall that started when they cut into my stomach and they stopped once Eleanor was out.  It was under 7 minutes, which Rob thought was cool. 

I didn't feel pain, other than my back was really hurting still at this point.  I couldn't feel much just some pulling and pushing in my stomach.

I don't think they ever said that she was coming out, and I didn't feel anything different when they pulled her out.

But then we heard her cry.  I was unprepared for that moment.  I guess I never thought about it, but as soon as I heard that cry it made me cry.  I looked over at Rob to see tears in his eyes as well, and had to look away or I really would have been sobbing. Even writing about that moment is making me cry.

(I also don't think they ever said 'It's a girl', but we knew she would be; or at least really hoped she would come out a girl)

In that moment, when she first cried, everything else seemed to fade away, cliche as that might sound.  The pregnancy losses of last year, the worrying if baby was going to be okay, the labor that didn't go how I wanted it to, none of it mattered.

At 6:39 am on October 7th 2013 Eleanor Rose was born.  

Cue lots of excitement from us. 

So they got me all finished up and took us to the recovery room.  Eleanor got her first bath and Rob changed his first diaper ever. Ever.  Apparently he was waiting because he wanted to say that was the first one he ever changed.  And it was her first diaper as well.  He actually stopped the nurse from doing it so he could which I thought was adorable.

After a little time in recovery we got up to our postpartum room

The rest of the day passed by with lots of visitors, and trying to get to know our baby.

At one point a nurse came by to help me just stand up next to the bed, but other than that I didn't get up out of bed that first day.

We wound up staying a total of 3 nights in the hospital.   The first night was spent in labor and delivery, and the next 2 in out postpartum room.  We could have spent one other night, but Rob needed to get back to work, and having him bring us home Wednesday evening was much more convenient than trying to find a ride home.  And even if it hadn't been I was ready to go home.  I'd been stuck in that tiny room for days.

The first several days home were pretty rough as far as pain goes.  Getting in and out of bed & trying to take care of her and myself was awful the first several days.  It's gotten much easier though. 

I had this picture in my head of how labor would go.  I'd have contractions, go to the hospital, they would either break my water or it would break on it's on, I'd push and she'd be born vaginally.

Instead my water broke, contractions didn't start on their on and had to be helped along, I pushed, didn't make progress and had a c-section.

I'm grateful that she is healthy; I just didn't have the birth I thought I would and may never get to experience a vaginal birth.  I know that's putting the cart waaaay before the horse, but I hope that I will get to have that experience someday. 

I think that pretty much covers it, but if I missed anything or you have any questions ask and I will do my best to answer them. 

The night before my water broke.

Timeline

October 6

7:45 am Water started to leak in small gushes; wondered if that's what it was

9:45 am  No mistaking my water just broke

10 am  We showered and called on-call (and of course our phones would choose this moment to not get service), and headed in

11:30 am Arrived at hospital, checked and was still 3 cm

3:15 pm still no contractions stated pitocin at 1ml

4 pm pitocin at 2

4:45 pm pitocin at 4

5: 45 pm pitocin at 5

6:45 pm pitocin at 6

Took a round of stadohl since I wasn't ready for an epidural.

8 pm at 5cm

another round of stadhol

9 pm epidural

9:30 pm pitocin at 10 ml

6-7 cm

October 7

12 am pitocin to 12 ml

1:45 am 8 cm

3:20 am 10 cm

Started pushing

5:30 decided to have the c-section

6:20 c-section began

6:39 baby Eleanor was born!

Week One Update

My baby is already a week old.  

The last few weeks of pregnancy dragged on, so I'm not liking how time has seemed to sped up and a week has already gone by since Eleanor was born.

We could have stayed in the hospital until Thursday, but my ob said we could leave that day when he checked on us on Wednesday morning and I was ready. We'd been there since Sunday morning.  We did hang out there that day, and waited until after I had ordered supper to leave.  We got home about 7:30pm

First car ride

Funny thing is that Rob's best friend's wife was induced Wednesday for high blood pressure, and she had the baby that afternoon.  The hospital has maternity rooms on several floors, but luckily they put her in a room 2 doors down.  So we put Eleanor in her bassinet and walked over to visit baby Liam.  Liam's two older brothers were in the 9 and 10 pound ranges so it was crazy that he wound up being a pound smaller than Eleanor (side effect of the blood pressure medicine).

She loves to have her feet up in a frog like position or to have them crossed in the rock in play, and she loves snuggling, although I'm sure all babies do.  But she's also okay if she isn't being held usually, and is content in the rock n play.

She hated having her diaper changed those first few days and would just cry.  She doesn't cry as much anymore, but because she always has her little feet and legs up it's difficult to get a diaper on her at times. 

Nursing is still sometimes a struggle.  The problem is getting her latched on.  My nipples are a little more on the flat side and I've been using a shield when needed.  I probably use it half the time.

I expected it to be tough though, so I'm glad I was prepared for it.

The pain is getting a little better, especially on my lower right side.  Getting in and out of bed the first night home was torture so I started sleeping sitting up in the glider or on the couch.  I still will have this sharp horrible pain that will bring tears to my eyes, but I've been a lot better the last few days about taking my pain meds as often as possible, and I used a belly binder thing which keeps stuff nice and tight and that also helps.

I've had a few little hormonal moments.

When we came home I knew it was important to let Rob sleep at night since he is the only one working \so I didn't want him to have to get up.  But by the second night I was exhausted.  Getting up constantly hurt my stomach, and the lack of sleep was more than I could handle and I had several crying sessions that night.

The first day home Eleanor slept most of it and didn't eat much and I was worried.  Even on Friday (day 2 home) she was eating a little better, but was not having wet or dirty diapers. She was super fussy and Rob gave her gas drops later that night.  I was nursing her and heard that poop and knew it was going to be a runny mess.  A few minutes later I had her flipped on my arm burping her, and noticed the brown stain running down her leg.  First blowout at 2 am.  And then there were a few more that night.

I cried earlier that day because she wasn't pooping and then cried because she was. Those hormones are no joke.

I also don't know why I was ever worried about Rob not helping out because he is amazing with her. He does anything and everything he can.  Usually I'll feed her around 9 or 10 pm and then he'll stay up and hang out with her for a few hours or until she needs to eat again.  I get a late nap in and he get's time with her in and it is working out well for us.

I think that our first week has gone pretty well.  Caring for her is easier than recovering from the c-section.

I'm not worried about losing the weight at this point, although I did think I would have lost more by this point.  I'm down almost 10 lbs.

Since you made it this far, I'll reward you with a few pictures! If you follow me on instagram you may have seen some of them already.