Are we at the end of nursing?

Mallory is 21 months.  I weaned Eleanor at 22 months so I think we are getting to end stages of nursing.

I've recently dropped our morning nursing session leaving us at two (nap time and bedtime) and although she wakes up and asks/whines for milk every morning I can usually distract her.  I do however miss the morning session because it allowed me to lay back in bed for a little bit.

I have mixed feelings.  On one hand it is the one thing that ONLY I can do for her.  One the other hand I have been constantly pregnant or nursing or both since January of 2013.  Since I got pregnant with Eleanor I have not had a single day where I have just been able to take a medicine without thinking if it's safe or just not have to worry about how what I do to my body is going to effect my girls.

I am planning a girls weekend right before Mallory turns 2 so I want to be done nursing/pumping then.  It was annoying having to deal with that and transporting milk through security and pumping in a dirty airport bathroom when I did it last year.

Generally though, while sometimes annoying having to plan around nursing I love it.  I love knowing that I'm giving my daughter nutritional benefits (while not her main source anymore it still has benefits) & a sense of stability and routine.

I love the way she snuggles into me when I nurse her, and her eyes get having and she drifts off to sleep.   Often I wish that I hadn't set the nursing to sleeping precedent but those are some of my favorite moments. 

I think there is nothing wrong with full term nursing but I know that nursing Mallory as long as I have isn't the norm.  I also know there is nothing wrong with people who choose not to nurse or not as long.  So I've never felt people question my choice to nurse as long as I did, and even if they did it's still my decision so no pressure.

Weaning Eleanor at 22 Months

I dreaded the day we would nurse last.   Like really dreaded it.  I wasn't being forced to wean her at all.   I knew when I got pregnant that I would try to wean her by the end of the summer.  I wanted to have a slight break and knew that it was imperative in order to successfully nurse baby 2.  I didn't want to get burned out on nursing if that makes sense and I knew I didn't want to tandem nurse (totally amazing if you do it;though).  Had I not gotten pregnant I probably would have gone until Eleanor turned 2. 

So with that being said, I decided that when she hit 22 months we would wean.   I felt like she would be okay, by that point we were down to bedtime only, one breast only instead of both, and more often than not she wasn't nursing to sleep and her nursing sessions were shorter.  I knew that we might have some hard times, but she would be okay.  She wasn't nursing multiple times a day and going cold turkey.  I had slowly been cutting back.

I'll miss the moments she would fall asleep on me nursing  

An older picture; she was ten months here

Still, I dreaded it a lot.  I know that for her it was more a comfort thing, but there were still lots of benefits for her health, and mine.

And for me it was a chance to settle down and sit after busy days with her and share a few sweet moments.  There were silly ones as well where she would shove her feet in my mouth and giggle.

Toddler nursing....

That last week I really focused on the nursing.  As much as I love those sweet and silly moments, the truth is that nursing can be boring, and I played on my phone often.   That last week I didn't do that.  I just took in the moment.  I tried to memorize it all.  I failed just so you know.  I wanted to remember the way that sweet little hand would rest on me or occasionally mold into mine.   The way I would brush the hair out of her eyes and she'd smile at me.  

(And with that I'm pausing for a moment as I am trying not to cry)

By the end there was pain when she latched (and this is a pregnancy thing I think), but it would usually dissipate quickly.

I know breastfeeding isn't something every woman is interested in, and that's okay, but I knew it was something I wanted to do.  The benefits are astounding, for both baby and mom.  I set a goal of a year, but as that got closer I decided to keep going until 2.

Most people were supportive; a few asked when I was going to be done, and made comments like 'your not going to nurse much longer are you?"  I don't care or wasn't bothered because what I do with my body is my business.   Full term nursing may not be the norm here (in the USA), and I'm not trying to force what I think on anyone, but as I said, still it's nobody's concern but mine.  

This post isn't intended to be a post about why you should do things my way, it's more about my feelings. And I feel sad.  I feel like I want to nurse her again and have that bond again.

It's been nearly a week since we nursed last and while she has asked a few times she's usually able to be redirected easily.  I feel uncomfortable and full but it's not horrible pain so I'm pushing through.

But I do look forward to nursing another sweet baby through toddlerhood:)

Another weaning post

4 months ago I wrote a post about weaning Eleanor.  

We still are nursing although I have pretty much dropped the morning nursing session and that leaves us with two.  It still makes me feel guilty when she asks for milk and I say no, although usually I can distract her and she actually said 'No milk' when she got up a few days ago.   Today though I almost gave in after having had 4 hours of sleep and just wanting to sit for a minute but I knew I couldn't give in.

I've been nursing her for 20 months.

I've never been away from her for more than ten hours, and that was only a few times when Rob had surgery.  I'm starting to feel this itch to have my body back and have a little more freedom.  

Of course I feel a huge sense of guilt and sadness over it.  Guilt because she loves her milka milka milka. :)

Sadness because I'm going to miss those snuggles so much (getting weepy thinking about it already)

I will especially miss it at night when she curls up in my arms and snuggles in.  I melt.   I know she can go to sleep for other people.  My dad was an expert at getting her down for nap when he would watch her when Rob was sick.  I think Rob could probably do it, but he hasn't yet.  So really being the only one who can put her down get's old.  Yet, knowing I can do something that no one else can do is kind of empowering.  

Although I had hoped to make it until Eleanor turned two, I just don't know if I can.  I think that's okay.  I gave her the best I could. 

I think one of the hardest and guilt inducing parts is that in a perfect world she would wean herself, but she's not so I'm sort of forcing it.  I shouldn't because I should let her decide when she's ready, but nursing has to be mutual and it's getting to be one sided. 

We aren't weaned yet though.  I still have to figure out how to drop the nap time nursing session next and then eventually the nighttime one (obviously that will be the hardest one), but I'm on the path to it.

Are we ready to wean?

Short answer: no

Long answer: no way

Every parent does things differently and makes choices based on what works for their family.  This includes the choice to bottle feed vs. breast feed.  That's fine and I'm not intending to start any sort of debate on what is better (just feed your baby please) .  The one debatable exception would be car seat safety issues since those are proven statistics.  But anyway...

The subject of weaning....


I know this is a highly personal choice and I have major conflicting feelings about it.   Some days I can't imagine it ever ending and some days I think I feel like I have to do it because she's 16 months and our society doesn't like nursing past one (and honestly I'm sure that's pushing it for some).

A sweet shot from last week.  

Actually this (pressure from others) is a real reason.  I know that children around the world nurse for much longer than in the United States.  I know the benefits of it for Eleanor (in 16 months only a few cases of sniffles and mild colds, but that it's and breastfeeding is a big reason), as well as for myself (lower risks of certain cancers for example).  Knowing all these things (scientifically proven things) it's confusing why there is not more acceptance.



Also there is that whole bonding thing and that's real.  If you follow my instagram account  you will see me post pictures of me holding a sleeping Eleanor post bedtime nursing session.  There is something so perfect about a sweet innocent toddler falling asleep nursing.   It's the calm after a busy day.

Currently I've been working on dropping the afternoon nursing session leaving us with 3 most days - morning, before nap and before bedtime as well.  Occasionally there is a middle of the night session and some days there might be an extra session if she is a totally wreck and that's the only thing that will calm her down.

She will often come up to me during the day and sign milk or try to pull down my shirt.  I try to redirect her with a book or a snack or something, but doing so results in guilt usually (on my part).  Why am I depriving her of something she wants?  I do say no when she wants to stick a lotion bottle in her mouth or have a sip of my soda, but why am I saying no to this?   This is good for her. Again, it all comes down to society here and me feeling like it's 'wrong' to do this- this being nursing past one.



But it's stupid because I'm extremely proud of the fact that I have nursed her for 16 months.  It's a huge commitment.



Pumping isn't easy for me (and even if it was she won't take pumped milk) so I can't be away from Eleanor for too long.  I've never had a night away, and I don't think I've ever been apart from her for more than 10 or so hours.

Then there is the fact that I really want to have another baby at some point but I still haven't had a postpartum period.  I know that you can get pregnant while nursing and before getting a period but I think that beginning the weaning process could kick start that and help with getting pregnant again.

The thought of it makes me really anxious though so  for now I'll continue on the path we are on and re-evaluate in a few months.

At what point did you wean?  Was it initiated by you or the child?