Thursday, September 13, 2012

Can't control my emotions.

I know it's okay; and what I feel is normal.  A loss is a loss no matter how far along.
Just when I think I "might" be better.  I start crying.  I want my baby.

And all my internet friends on the bump have helped me more than I can believe.  Not all of them have experienced loss, but they all offered me some sort of support.  I think I bawled the most at that.

I called an ob/gyn office today because I don't have one.  They told me to go to the hospital. I won't do that because I don't think that is necessary.  There isn't anything they can do.  I'm bleeding but no more than a regular period, I have mild cramping, my back hurts, but nothing that I am concerned about.

Then I called my doctor's office and told them and they said that I could come in for blood work if I wanted, but I don't feel like that is necessary.

I will probably make an appointment at the ob/gyn sometime next week for a follow up to make sure we are okay to ttc again or if we should wait.  I want to be a mom but at the same time I feel like giving up.

Not that anyone ever thinks they will have a miscarriage, but I never thought I would be part of that club.

We got lucky on cycle 2 getting pregnant, and now we are back to square one.  Who knows how long it could take this time.

On one hand I am grateful that I didn't tell anyone in real life (IRL) that I was pregnant, on the other I had dreamed about getting to share that news and have that moment.

I don't know if I want to even tell anyone about the miscarriage.  Maybe if I get pregnant again and am at a safer point in the pregnancy.  I don't think I'll even share until 3-4 months along in that case.

Edit:  Okay I get that it isn't as big of a deal to Rob, but it's 9:00pm and he has not yet called me to see how I'm doing.  That makes me feel really hurt and resentful of him.

No comments:

Post a Comment