I'm not really surprised and this may be the only cycle I say this but I am kind of thankful for it. Like I said in this post I'm okay with it.
Today did suck a little and I had a mini meltdown at home between being at my aunts and Rob's mom. I knew that the conversation would turn to Ali's pregnancy and I knew it would sting and it did.
I did learn that my aunt charted to get pregnant with her first (and I assume my other cousins). My cousin is in her late 30's. I didn't say anything, but found that very interesting. I knew that she had a pregnancy loss after her first but I didn't realize she was 23 weeks along when it happened. She said had a tough time getting pregnant with all of her kids (she has 3 biological; 2 adopted) and it was kind of nice to hear her talk about it. I don't mean that it was nice that she struggled, but that she actually talked about it.
When we first started trying I always thought I would have a September baby because September is such a crazy month with birthdays so why wouldn't there be another one? I actually share a birthday with my dad (ours is the 17th; I was born on his 30th birthday; 5 weeks early. I also know 4 other people with the same birthday). My sister's is on the 1st. Her sister in law's in at the beginning of September. Rob's sister is the 13th. My grandma's is the 22nd. And how cool would it be to have share a birthday with my dad AND my child? We shall see if the timing works out.
I am glad to be able to stop with the progesterone. I know I said I would take it until I got my period but I didn't take it last night. I knew I was out. I still hadn't gotten my period this morning so I dipped a wondfo and then wiped and the tp was pink, so I pretty much just wasted a test. Good thing they are cheap tests.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Confession
I have a headache, but I may have over exaggerated it to get out of Rob's family's thanksgiving tonight.
I had no idea where his cousin (who was hosting) lives, and Rob and I would have gotten there separately and I really didn't want to ride with my father in law (he's an awkward duck). I don't mind most of his family, but there are a lot of them and I don't like crowds very well because I just feel awkward and uncomfortable. I don't like it when it's loud either (yes I'm an old lady).
I had no idea where his cousin (who was hosting) lives, and Rob and I would have gotten there separately and I really didn't want to ride with my father in law (he's an awkward duck). I don't mind most of his family, but there are a lot of them and I don't like crowds very well because I just feel awkward and uncomfortable. I don't like it when it's loud either (yes I'm an old lady).
Annoying.
My friend was flying into Lansing from Minneapolis today. Her flight was supposed to get in at 8:30. I left my house at 7 because it's about an hour and a half away. There is a closer airport (30 min), but to fly into this one is direct and much cheaper. I rearranged my schedule to pick her up.
She lets me know that her flight is delayed while I am on the way. Major fog.
It was to far to turn around so I had to find something to do to kill time, but I'm not familiar with the area. I managed to find a Walmart that was open that early, so I'm buying a bottle of wine at 9 in the morning. Is that classy or what? (Note: I did not drink it)
She finally made it off the plane at about 10. And then we were finally on the way. I parked in the 15 minute free lot, and I was in there for 16 minutes by the time I got out, so they made me pay $2. Annoying because I was in that line within the time frame. So unfair.
I'm also annoyed that my period still has not shown up. I'm 14dpo, and I've known that I've been out for days. I'm getting tired of taking the progesterone and I'm not going to stop until I get my period. My longest luteal phase (lp) was 14 days so if I get it tomorrow that would make it a 14 day lp. Since charting they have been between 11 and 14 dpo so I'm still in a normal range.
I'm annoyed that at Thanksgiving I'm going to get the whole "When are you going to have kids?" especially since Ali is pregnant. Ugh.
Edit: I suppose I shouldn't be so whiny. I'm thankful that I made it safely to and from the airport and that my friend made it here safe. I'm thankful that I can afford the pills (and at $2 each they aren't really cheap). I'm thankful that in a week and a half I find out if I will have a niece or nephew.
She lets me know that her flight is delayed while I am on the way. Major fog.
It was to far to turn around so I had to find something to do to kill time, but I'm not familiar with the area. I managed to find a Walmart that was open that early, so I'm buying a bottle of wine at 9 in the morning. Is that classy or what? (Note: I did not drink it)
She finally made it off the plane at about 10. And then we were finally on the way. I parked in the 15 minute free lot, and I was in there for 16 minutes by the time I got out, so they made me pay $2. Annoying because I was in that line within the time frame. So unfair.
I'm also annoyed that my period still has not shown up. I'm 14dpo, and I've known that I've been out for days. I'm getting tired of taking the progesterone and I'm not going to stop until I get my period. My longest luteal phase (lp) was 14 days so if I get it tomorrow that would make it a 14 day lp. Since charting they have been between 11 and 14 dpo so I'm still in a normal range.
I'm annoyed that at Thanksgiving I'm going to get the whole "When are you going to have kids?" especially since Ali is pregnant. Ugh.
Edit: I suppose I shouldn't be so whiny. I'm thankful that I made it safely to and from the airport and that my friend made it here safe. I'm thankful that I can afford the pills (and at $2 each they aren't really cheap). I'm thankful that in a week and a half I find out if I will have a niece or nephew.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
I think I'm out this cycle
I know I'm only 11dpo, but I've gotten positives by this point both times (although the first was super faint).
I have mixed feelings because on one side I'm bummed, but I almost think I will be relieved. The farther past ovulation I got the more I kind of wish we would have taken a cycle off. I never expected to get pregnant 3 cycles in a row, but I am kind of freaking out about what if it happened. I really don't think I am ready for that.
I know if I am pregnant I can't change it; and I hope that the progesterone would help, but the thought of a third loss really freaks me out. I am filled with anxiety just waiting for my period to start.
I have mixed feelings because on one side I'm bummed, but I almost think I will be relieved. The farther past ovulation I got the more I kind of wish we would have taken a cycle off. I never expected to get pregnant 3 cycles in a row, but I am kind of freaking out about what if it happened. I really don't think I am ready for that.
I know if I am pregnant I can't change it; and I hope that the progesterone would help, but the thought of a third loss really freaks me out. I am filled with anxiety just waiting for my period to start.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Friday five doubled 11/16
Super size edition to make up for last week's lacking post.
1) I tried to make those apple pie/ crescent roll things I saw on pinterest. My first problem was in getting the tube open. I had to cut it, thus cutting some of the rolls. Then the apple pie filling didn't fit very well, and the rolls didn't cover it. In the end they tasted okay, but I'm not a crescent roll fan. I did dip them melted butter and brown sugar and sprinkled brown sugar on top. Rob said they tasted good, but they still had that crescent roll taste. They did taste good with vanilla ice cream though. next time I think that I would add a little vanilla to the butter mixture. A for effort though (and apple, ha).
2) I wanted to get some more frer and digital pregnancy tests since I only had one frer. I have plenty of wondfo's but i wanted something else. We were at Walmart last weekend and so I decided to get some. I know they are more expensive, but I like them. So the cashier (who actually was the friendliest cashier I've ever encountered there; we don't shop there often though), was all like you know there is .88 cent tests. I used them every time I got pregnant. That is the Walmart I expected. Ha.
3) We got some of our Christmas lights up over the weekend. We just did the ones on the front of the house, but it was so nice out I wanted to do some as opposed to doing it in 30 degree weather. We weren't the only ones in our neighborhood putting them up either. However they are not hooked up; we still need some extension cords. We got some light clips on clearance last year and Rob said they made it a lot easier.
4) My sister started cleaning our house earlier this year. She cleaned the floors, made the beds, cleaned the bathrooms and the kitchen. Last week was her last week and I had to clean this week. Boo. I cleaned the shower, then cleaned the nasty trash can. In the shower. Then cleaned the shower again. I also cleaned the sliding door track out with a q-tip. That was the worst chore ever. I kid you not, I threw up because it was so gross. It was filled with dirt, hair and even a dead spider.
5) Rob went hunting Wednesday after work (gun season started yesterday) and I always sleep crappy when he's gone. Yesterday I was up 5 times from 11 until 6:30. I was so tired today. I had caffeine for the first time today since last Saturday.
6) *TMI disclaimer* I think I may be developing a UTI. It hurts when I pee badly. My guess is it's from the applicator I was using with the progesterone pill. I was using the applicator from the pre-seed lube and I was washing it and reusing it, and I must not have cleaned it well enough. So that sucks.
7) I went to a 31 party at my boss's house last night. I got a new wallet, a small tote to give as a gift, and another tote. They are expensive however. I do have one wallet I got over a year ago and I still use it, but I wanted a more neutral pattern. I'm not a very sociable person a lot of times. I am a homebody and the party didn't start until 7pm so it was hard to muster up the energy to go. I did it though and it was fun. I'm glad I did it. I'm trying to not be such a hermit. I am trying to make plans to have a drink with a friend tomorrow, and I'm meeting my sister in law and niece with my other niece to watch my brother in law and nephew march in the Santa Clause parade. I really miss my niece and don't know the last time I saw her (she's 7), so despite having to get up way early and drive downtown and stand in the cold I'm sure it will be fun.
8) I peed in a cup tonight, and tested. I saw the faintest of lines, but I have no doubt it's just an evap line. I'm only 9dpo according to ff (although I think I may be 10dpo) so it's super early and it was late in the afternoon so my pee would have been so diluted. I couldn't possible get pregnant a third cycle in a row. I'll test in the morning anyway.
9) I usually wash my hair every other day, but I read this blog post earlier this week (No poo'). I washed my hair on Sunday and didn't wash it again until Thursday and it did start to look greasy but it really wasn't that bad. I think I'm going to try it. I didn't use the baking soda/cider mix; I just used water, but I might try that.
10) I love love Christmas but I'm kind of getting nervous that this holiday season might be tough for me with the recent losses. I really don't want to be a Debbie downer this year.
And that's what I got for now. That may be the longest post I've written.
1) I tried to make those apple pie/ crescent roll things I saw on pinterest. My first problem was in getting the tube open. I had to cut it, thus cutting some of the rolls. Then the apple pie filling didn't fit very well, and the rolls didn't cover it. In the end they tasted okay, but I'm not a crescent roll fan. I did dip them melted butter and brown sugar and sprinkled brown sugar on top. Rob said they tasted good, but they still had that crescent roll taste. They did taste good with vanilla ice cream though. next time I think that I would add a little vanilla to the butter mixture. A for effort though (and apple, ha).
2) I wanted to get some more frer and digital pregnancy tests since I only had one frer. I have plenty of wondfo's but i wanted something else. We were at Walmart last weekend and so I decided to get some. I know they are more expensive, but I like them. So the cashier (who actually was the friendliest cashier I've ever encountered there; we don't shop there often though), was all like you know there is .88 cent tests. I used them every time I got pregnant. That is the Walmart I expected. Ha.
3) We got some of our Christmas lights up over the weekend. We just did the ones on the front of the house, but it was so nice out I wanted to do some as opposed to doing it in 30 degree weather. We weren't the only ones in our neighborhood putting them up either. However they are not hooked up; we still need some extension cords. We got some light clips on clearance last year and Rob said they made it a lot easier.
4) My sister started cleaning our house earlier this year. She cleaned the floors, made the beds, cleaned the bathrooms and the kitchen. Last week was her last week and I had to clean this week. Boo. I cleaned the shower, then cleaned the nasty trash can. In the shower. Then cleaned the shower again. I also cleaned the sliding door track out with a q-tip. That was the worst chore ever. I kid you not, I threw up because it was so gross. It was filled with dirt, hair and even a dead spider.
5) Rob went hunting Wednesday after work (gun season started yesterday) and I always sleep crappy when he's gone. Yesterday I was up 5 times from 11 until 6:30. I was so tired today. I had caffeine for the first time today since last Saturday.
6) *TMI disclaimer* I think I may be developing a UTI. It hurts when I pee badly. My guess is it's from the applicator I was using with the progesterone pill. I was using the applicator from the pre-seed lube and I was washing it and reusing it, and I must not have cleaned it well enough. So that sucks.
7) I went to a 31 party at my boss's house last night. I got a new wallet, a small tote to give as a gift, and another tote. They are expensive however. I do have one wallet I got over a year ago and I still use it, but I wanted a more neutral pattern. I'm not a very sociable person a lot of times. I am a homebody and the party didn't start until 7pm so it was hard to muster up the energy to go. I did it though and it was fun. I'm glad I did it. I'm trying to not be such a hermit. I am trying to make plans to have a drink with a friend tomorrow, and I'm meeting my sister in law and niece with my other niece to watch my brother in law and nephew march in the Santa Clause parade. I really miss my niece and don't know the last time I saw her (she's 7), so despite having to get up way early and drive downtown and stand in the cold I'm sure it will be fun.
8) I peed in a cup tonight, and tested. I saw the faintest of lines, but I have no doubt it's just an evap line. I'm only 9dpo according to ff (although I think I may be 10dpo) so it's super early and it was late in the afternoon so my pee would have been so diluted. I couldn't possible get pregnant a third cycle in a row. I'll test in the morning anyway.
9) I usually wash my hair every other day, but I read this blog post earlier this week (No poo'). I washed my hair on Sunday and didn't wash it again until Thursday and it did start to look greasy but it really wasn't that bad. I think I'm going to try it. I didn't use the baking soda/cider mix; I just used water, but I might try that.
10) I love love Christmas but I'm kind of getting nervous that this holiday season might be tough for me with the recent losses. I really don't want to be a Debbie downer this year.
And that's what I got for now. That may be the longest post I've written.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Friday Four 11/9
*I couldn't think of five things this week*
1) I had the last week off work, because the family I work for was on vacation. I did nothing the whole week. I got nothing done and just sat at home on the computer and watched tv. I watched all of season 3 of glee, I watched all the episodes of 'Traffic Light' on netflix and started watching Hart of Dixie.
These next few are baby related moments of this week.
2) I told my sister in law (Rob's sister) on Monday when they came over for a birthday dinner for father in law. She was super awesome and I'm glad I told her. I love my sister, but I feel like she isn't as sensitive to the fact I've lost 2 babies and talks about her pregnancy all the time, but I'm getting closer to the point that it doesn't sting so much. And like I've said before I would never tell her that, because than she would never tell me anything. So besides my sister and her husband and Rob's sister and her husband (I told her she could tell him) no other family/friends now.
I will probably tell my best friend when she visits over thanksgiving. I didn't want to tell her that over the phone, although I did tell my sister through text.
3)My sister was telling me she had a dream this week in which we announced that I was pregnant at her baby shower. She's almost 16 weeks (which is crazy, she finds out in 3 1/2 weeks what the sex of the baby is; I say I'm getting a nephew). I guess it's possible that something like could happen. Showers usually happen around 28-34 weeks right?
4) This may sound silly, but until this week I had never thought of my losses in terms of a son or daughter. Thinking it that way made me sad. Those were my daughters or sons or both. It's strange to think they were my kids. I guess while I thought of them as my babies that was it. Thinking of them any other way makes it seem more real for sure. Does any of that make sense?
1) I had the last week off work, because the family I work for was on vacation. I did nothing the whole week. I got nothing done and just sat at home on the computer and watched tv. I watched all of season 3 of glee, I watched all the episodes of 'Traffic Light' on netflix and started watching Hart of Dixie.
These next few are baby related moments of this week.
2) I told my sister in law (Rob's sister) on Monday when they came over for a birthday dinner for father in law. She was super awesome and I'm glad I told her. I love my sister, but I feel like she isn't as sensitive to the fact I've lost 2 babies and talks about her pregnancy all the time, but I'm getting closer to the point that it doesn't sting so much. And like I've said before I would never tell her that, because than she would never tell me anything. So besides my sister and her husband and Rob's sister and her husband (I told her she could tell him) no other family/friends now.
I will probably tell my best friend when she visits over thanksgiving. I didn't want to tell her that over the phone, although I did tell my sister through text.
3)My sister was telling me she had a dream this week in which we announced that I was pregnant at her baby shower. She's almost 16 weeks (which is crazy, she finds out in 3 1/2 weeks what the sex of the baby is; I say I'm getting a nephew). I guess it's possible that something like could happen. Showers usually happen around 28-34 weeks right?
4) This may sound silly, but until this week I had never thought of my losses in terms of a son or daughter. Thinking it that way made me sad. Those were my daughters or sons or both. It's strange to think they were my kids. I guess while I thought of them as my babies that was it. Thinking of them any other way makes it seem more real for sure. Does any of that make sense?
Monday, November 5, 2012
Wine, Art & Ovulation
Random Monday ramblings. :)
1) I bought a bottle of wine today. I think this maybe the first time I didn't get carded. Boo
2) I made this last night/today. Painted a canvas, used vinyl letters, painted it again and peeled them off. It's not perfect; the letters are a little crooked, and that may bother me, but I like it and it's a good reminder for me. It's hanging in the kitchen and I can't miss it.
3) I got a +opk today (cd 18). Last cycle after my first c/p I didn't get one until day 22. So this is more what a 'normal' cycle is to me so yeah for that! I was worried that I might have ovulated on cd15 which is way early for me, because I had horrid cramps and my temps had gone up for a few days, but they were down a little today. I tested and when my 5 minutes were up I checked and there was no mistaking it for a negative. That line was really dark. Usually before getting a clear positive I have a test that I have a hard time telling if the lines were the same. Not this cycle!
1) I bought a bottle of wine today. I think this maybe the first time I didn't get carded. Boo
2) I made this last night/today. Painted a canvas, used vinyl letters, painted it again and peeled them off. It's not perfect; the letters are a little crooked, and that may bother me, but I like it and it's a good reminder for me. It's hanging in the kitchen and I can't miss it.
3) I got a +opk today (cd 18). Last cycle after my first c/p I didn't get one until day 22. So this is more what a 'normal' cycle is to me so yeah for that! I was worried that I might have ovulated on cd15 which is way early for me, because I had horrid cramps and my temps had gone up for a few days, but they were down a little today. I tested and when my 5 minutes were up I checked and there was no mistaking it for a negative. That line was really dark. Usually before getting a clear positive I have a test that I have a hard time telling if the lines were the same. Not this cycle!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Liebster Blog Award
Nicole at In Nic's mind nominated me for a Liebster Blog Award. Thanks! The bloggers that I would love to nominate have already been nominated so I have to think about who I would nominate.
These are the questions from Nicole.
1. What is your favorite movie?
2. What is your pet peeve?
It drives me nuts when people don't use their turn signals. The worst is 4 waystops when you want to go straight and you think the person across from you is also going straight; nope they are turning left. Ugh. Annoying. Also hate when people cut you off and turn and there isn't a car behind you.
3. Which one country would you want relocate to if you had the opportunity?
Somewhere warm. Not sure which country. I have a friend who loved Costa Rica. Maybe there?
4. What is your biggest fear?
Tornado's
5. What is your favorite time of year?
Summer. I love the warm weather.
6. What do you miss most about being a kid?
I miss having an imagination. Honestly I try to play with the kids and I am not nearly as creative as they are. It's so amazing the things that they come up with.
7. What is the last movie you watched or book you read?
I read this book. <-------. It was a prize I won. I actually enjoyed it. If the next ones in the series were cheaper I'd probably buy them.
8. Favorite color?
Green
9. If you friends had to describe you in one word what would it be?
Home-body. Okay that's two, but I really do like being home. I've gotten less social as I get older. I'm not really sure why.
10. Are you a morning or night person?
I feel more productive at night even though I don't like to be out late.
11. Silver or gold?
Silver. I think the look of gold is kind of dated.
Friday Five 11/2
I used to watch it all the time, but hadn't seen it years. I wanted to watch it as soon as I found it, but Rob wasn't so into it. So I had to wait until he went hunting, but I think it might be going on my Christmas list..
2) I have the lamest post titles. I'm so uncreative.
3) I really missed my old work kiddos and I was babysitting in the neighborhood on Tuesday so I stopped by to see them. It had been a month and a half since I saw them and I usually saw them 4 times a week, so I really missed them. It was great to surprise them. Then on Halloween they surprise me and came to my house. They live 20 minutes away and only came to my house, I don't think they can know how much that meant to me.
Speaking on Halloween here's a cute trick or treater story. This little boy, probably around 4 came to the door and I gave him a handful of suckers, maybe 3 or 4. As he turned back around I heard him say "she sure gave me lots of suckers" to his parents. It was adorable!
5) I had a little sad moment today. It wasn't really from seeing Libby but I was with my sister and we went to the mall first and she wanted to go to motherhood maternity and I didn't go to another store because I honestly didn't think about it. And that alone could have been okay, but I swear all she talks about is baby related, at least 90%. I can understand that she is just excited, and maybe I will be the same way, but I wouldn't go on and on in front of someone who has had recent losses.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)