This is embarassing

And I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret sharing this so if you can't find this post one day, I decided it was to much and took it down. 

I used to have a xanga when I was in college.  I found it yesterday.  Yikes!  

I know my writing on this blog isn't the most amazing, but it has improved since I had the xanga.  Granted if I look back on this blog in 5 years I might think this could be improved as well.  What was I thinking with excessive use of color and fonts?  Some post I had to highlight just to see.

I'm so embarrassed (but here it is anyway).

Weekly Wrap Up

1) I tried the trick on pinterest where you put hot glue on plastic hangers to prevent shirts from slipping off.  It is genius!  I contemplated buying the special grippy hangers before but really I'm just to cheap.  Then I saw this and it is fantastic, and I already had the hot glue/gun so it was free.

2) I got my hair cut and highlighted yesterday.  With the exception of a few small miscellaneous food things (like that chocolate bar I reaaaallllly needed after almost 2 hours on the phone with at&t) that total maybe $10 this was the only other money I've spent on myself in almost a month.  I had a friend do it so it cost me $40.   I felt bad because she is also pregnant (a few weeks ahead of me) and I know she was probably tired after working all day, and then spending the time to do this, but I really appreciate it.   And now I'm back on a no spending kick.

3) I think something is going on with our mail delivery.  We have gotten no mail 5 out of the last 8 delivery days.  Not even junk mail.  I guess it's possible we just aren't getting mail, but it seems odd to me.

4) Which probably explains why I never got the results from the NT scan in the mail.  I called today (the scan/blood work was done the 19th) to find out the results.  The risk of the baby having down's is 1 in 4,000 and the risk of trisomy 18 is 1 in 18,000.  I still have to have another round of blood work sometime in the second trimester, but for now I can relax a little.

5) My best friend was in town last weekend and even though it was a short visit and I didn't see her a ton it was really nice.  She will be back in June, then August and then October.  I'm loving the mega bus for her since it means more visits.  Yeah!

6) I "think" the weather is finally warming up here. The 10 day forecast only has 2 days with temps below 40 degrees and those both say few snow showers.  It's not a secret I'm not a fan of winter, and would take 90 degrees over 30 any day.  I'm so ready for the warmth.  I even took a walk today which hasn't happened since last fall.  I tried last week when the weather was decent, but naturally 5 minutes into my walk it started to rain.

7) Rob finished the trim in the basement room and we moved the office stuff down there.  It's a little bit of a pain to walk down there when I need an envelope or something, but that's just because I'm lazy.  We are then moving the guest room into what was the office/craft room and the guest room will be the baby's room.

Day 26- My favorite food

Hands down I would say pasta.   I actually ate some for lunch today. 

I love it with a little red wine or balsamic vinegar, feta cheese and butter.  Although I might have to give up the vinegar for a while, it made my stomach churn a little.  This baby better love it as much as I do. 

I also love it with marinara sauce (no meat) and cheese.

It's the one food I could probably eat every day.

 

13 weeks. First trimester done.

Some people use different dates to determine when the second trimester starts. I've heard 12 weeks, 13 weeks and even 13 weeks and 3 days.   I decided to go with 13 weeks.  So today I'm in the second trimester and am 1/3 way through this pregnancy.   

How far along:  13 weeks. This is date I got from charting; if I went by the date of my period, which my ob does I would be 13 weeks 3 days.  There isn't much of a variation in them.  I didn't ovulate as late as I have before.  I'm still sticking with the ovulation date, which baby has measured at during the first two ultrasounds.  I didn't ask during the third. 

Baby Size:  A peach or a gas cap on a car.  Take your pick.

Weight:  124.4 (up 1.6lbs from the start).

Symptoms:   

• Dizziness and lightheartedness started last week.  I have been trying to eat more often and have been drinking lots more water and that seems to help somewhat.  
• I still feel nausea a lot although it's less of an all day thing and more of a here and there thing. 
• Getting up lot's to pee at night
• Gas pains

I look big here, but it's totally the shirt
 and the way I'm standing. 

Maternity Clothes: Not yet.

Sleep:  I need to get more on a routine of going to bed early and not sleeping in so late (9-10am).  I slept a few 3-4 hour stretches Saturday night which for me is a long time.

Cravings/Food Aversions:  Still not a fan of meat, although I did eat a chicken egg roll the other day.  Fruit is still always good as are bagels and cream cheese.  But really no cravings yet.  My appetite has mostly returned and it's no longer a struggle to eat although I still only eat small portions.


Belly Button:  In

Rings on or off: On

Gender:  Unknown, but only for 5 more weeks.  My sister in law and mother in law say boy.  My mom, sister and brother in law say girl.  My brother says he hopes it's a girl so my niece won't be the only girl on that side of the family. 

I had a dream Sunday night that the baby was a boy.  I had a random unexpected ultrasound during a unscheduled (as in I think I just showed up at the doctor because I was in the area) doctor visit at 14 weeks.  As soon as the wand was put on my belly the baby was shown with it's leg spread and there was no mistaking it was a boy.  Rob was proud of that fact. Ha.
Name:  I don't know.  Rob says we are set on the names we had before getting pregnant, but now that I actually am I find myself wavering a little.  But we still have lots of time since we don't want to share until after the baby is born. 

Milestones:  2nd trimester!

Best moment: Telling our families.  It was kind of tough to get together, but it was worth it.  They were all really excited for us. Although seeing the baby again and seeing it move was pretty amazing.

Looking forward to:  Garage sales to get cheap baby things!

What I miss:  Wine, specifically moscato or reisling.  I'm not a big drinker, but once in a while it's nice to have a glass with dinner. 

Labor signs: Please nothing for at least another 25 weeks!

Appointments:  16 week checkup on the 16th, and the anatomy scan on the 30th. 

Misc.  We told our families this past weekend.  I didn't do anything fancy for my parents.  They asked me if I was feeling better (I had been feel dizzy at a party the night before) and I said "Not really because I'm pregnant" or something along those lines.  
   With Rob's dad, sister and brother in law I had taken pictures a few weeks ago when I was babysitting my nephew and niece.  I took a picture of my nephew holding up a sign with the number #1, my niece with a number #2 and then I took the ultrasound pic and put a #3 on it.  I put them in a album on the ipad and had them flip through it.    My sister in law caught on right away and said "I know that's not my ultrasound picture.  Congratulations!"   

It was kind of like this. 

Love Love Love 'Psych'

Later that night Rob sent a text to every family member who's number he had to tell them.  Sometimes I feel like he's not as involved as I'd like.  He doesn't always ask how I'm feeling, or when I say I'm feeling sick and expect him to get me something he doesn't always just do it like I'd like.  But then he shows his excitement in other ways and it makes me feel so happy.  I never doubted his excitement, but I guess it is different for guys.  


Then the other day Rob was talking about getting the crib set up.  I was like whoa, it's still really early!  And the crib needs to be painted.  It's not my favorite color or style, but it was free and I don't hate it; I just would not have chosen it if I had to pay for it. I'm still very grateful that it is one less thing we need to buy. 

Day 25-Describe my Location

Right at the moment I'm sitting parked on the couch at my house which is on a quiet dead on street in a small town in West Michigan where I grew up.

The house the day Rob closed on it in 2009

I wish the house looked like it does in the picture.  There is snow on the ground right now, and I'd love to be able to see the grass again. 

I like our quiet street and the fact that it will be a great place to raise or kids, or at least the first few (we have 2 extra bedrooms, but I want more than 2 kids).

Living a mile from my parents & Rob's dad has it's perks.  Rob's mom only lives 20-25 minutes away, and our siblings are within 30-35 minutes. 

I do wish that I could live somewhere warmer, somewhere that I wouldn't have to bundle up in heavy layers half the year, but our family is here and I'm not sure I'd want to live so far away from them.  

Weekly Wrap Up

1) I never thought I would feel this way, but I look at the ultrasound pictures from this week and I get all teary because I can't believe that is my baby.  I can't feel the baby, and I don't look pregnant so it's hard to really feel pregnant sometimes, but to look at that and know what it took to get here it amazing.  I'm turning into a sap. Oh boy.

2) Still no job.  I've sent messages to several families.  As much as I feel like a change, at this point I think child care really is going to be my best option.  It's kind of discouraging me (the jobless thing). It's not that I really expected a job to fall into my lap, but maybe I kind of did.  It's been over 2 weeks since I've worked and I'm getting used to not working.  I've even sent messages to friends I know that work in childcare to let me know if they have heard of anything.

3) Since I'm worried I'm going to get way to used to not working I'm determined to clean the house  Like really clean it.  Yesterday I swept and mopped the bathroom, kitchen and entryway floors.  I even pulled out the stove and cleaned behind it. I wasn't going to try to move the fridge though. I vacuumed the entire upstairs.  I attempted to clean the bathtub but I had a hard time leaning over it. Not because I have a big belly, but it just wasn't comfortable. 

4) I got an iphone this week.  At 27 I finally got my first smartphone.  I'm so grown up now!  Rob got one on Sunday and I was jealous, but mine needed a battery and otherwise it worked fine.  He didn't need the iphone but he needed a new phone.  His screen would go fuzzy, it wouldn't make or get calls or texts. He had an iphone 3.  Then on Monday he came home and said that he felt bad that he got one and I didn't so I got one too.  I'm worried we can't afford it, but it's only $30 extra a month for my data.

5) My best friend will be here tomorrow!  I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving. Yea!

6) Rob is getting mildly annoyed that we haven't told everyone yet.  We did tell his mom Tuesday.  She got Rob the phone. So we brought her a thank you card and Rob wrote it in 'Thanks grandma for getting my dad a new phone. That was nice of you. See you in late September or early October.'  She read it and was like 'Your pregnant?'  She was surprised but excited.
Telling everyone else is getting difficult.  We were going to tell my parents that day, but my dad was sleeping when we stopped by and I didn't want to wake him up (he works third shift), Rob's dad works at Walmart and was working that night.  Rob's sister's husband is out of town this week so we have to wait to tell them together.  My brother still needs to know also as well as my niece (although I'm not as worried about her; she's 7).

Then with my best friend coming this weekend I want to hang out with her.  I don't understand why it's a big deal to wait a few more days.  I know he's excited, but I want to hang out with my friend since I only see her a few times a year.

Finding out I'm pregnant

This is the post that for some reason I never wrote.  I meant to and never got around to it or forgot for some reason. 

Here is the post I wrote when I first found out & the details are below.

As you probably know it wasn't the easiest journey to this point.  I should say that getting pregnant wasn't that difficult.  It was the staying pregnant part that was.  This pregnancy happened on cycle 6.  I also got pregnant on cycles 2 &3.  So 50% of time time I was able to conceive.

I know the odds are 20% each cycle, but we had better odds I think due to the fact that I was charting and using opk's.  

Finding Out:

I tested that morning at 11dpo with a wondfo and thought I saw a line, but I thought I'd been seeing lines the last few days so I didn't really think it was positive.  I checked again fifteen minutes later (I know it was after the time limit) and it was faint, but clearly there.   So I walked out into the kitchen and told Rob:  'I think I got a positive pregnancy test.'  I held my pee and tested again with a frer an hour later and the second line was there. 

Timing:

Our timing was pretty good. We hit o-3,o-2,o-1, and o.  

What we did:

I temped, used opks, took pnvs, we had sex a lot, and I drank pom juice and lots of water.   I actually used bona dea as well (I didn't buy this; I won this).  I took it from a week or so into my cycle until I confirmed O. 

Symptoms:

I had cramps and backaches pretty much the whole 2ww.   I also had pregnancy related dreams three times the week I got the positive. 

Read about my first beta draw results here and the second in this post.

11dpo-16dpo

Road to a baby wasn't cheap or easy

The road to get to this point has been difficult at times.  And it has been expensive so far; I hear it get's worse. Haha.

$335 Progesterone supplements
$115 Doctor visit to try to talk about what could be causing the losses
$85 Blood work
$80 pregnancy tests (I used wondfo's and started testing around 9dpo.  Then I confirmed with one of these First Response Early Response or Clearblue digital
$40 on prenatal vitamins (I take a store brand gummy)
$25 on wondfo ovulation prediction kits also known as opk's.
$25 Fertility Friend membership (I highly recommend it, there is a free version; I paid for the vip; facebook often has special discounts for liking them, wait for one of those)
$20 Pre-seed (sperm friendly lube)
$20 Pom juice
$15 Taking charge of your fertility book
$10 Green tea
$10 Basal body temperature (BBT) thermometer


*I used a different brand of thermometer, but everything else I really did use and recommend.*

 
  (



(Those are amazon affiliate links. I get 4% on purchases through the links. I'm new to it.  This is the first time I've used it)

Day 20-What do you collect?

At this point in my life I don't know if I really 'collect' anything.  I save a lot of things though.

When we go on trips I save receipts, a drink coaster from wherever we ate, the little things that remind me of the memories we made. 

I do try to pick up a key chain from every place we go.  I hang those on the Christmas tree.  Those are another trip down memory lane.  Does that count as a collection?

When I was younger I collected barbie trading cards.  I never traded them though.  I'd bet that my parents still have them in the basement somewhere.  I had a big poster that listed all of them and I'd check off the ones I had.  I probably had at least 75% of them.  I would constantly get them out and sort them out.  I sorted by year, by outfit, by barbie in the picture.  The back of the cards had facts about the outfit in the picture and the year the barbie was released.  I probably had those memorized at one point during my childhood. 

12 weeks.

How far along:  Twelve weeks

Baby Size:  Small measuring tape, plum

Weight:  124.2, up from last week.

Symptoms:   I've actually felt worse this past week than I have most of the pregnant.  I had horrible cramping (probably gas pains), nausea & a headache that made me throw up. I even took a Tylenol (store brand) on Sunday.
  I've actually been pretty hungry the last few days.  I eat more often which helps keep the nausea away.  I'm still limited in what sounds good though. 

Maternity Clothes:  I just got some jeans from my sister so I will probably be busting them out in the next few weeks.  For now the hair tie trick is working.

Sleep:  Poorly.

Cravings/Food Aversions:  Still no cravings, but lot's of aversions.

Belly Button:  In

Gender:  Unkown, and no feelings either way.

Name:  Have a few in mind.

Milestones:  Hearing the heartbeat on the Doppler.  No more progesterone!

Looking forward to:  No more progesterone side effects.

What I miss:  Taking medicine when I want without thinking about if it's safe for the baby.  Asprin has always been my go to, but it's a no-no now.

Appointments:  April 16 for my 16 week and April 30 for the a/s!!!! 

Misc.  I had my 12 week appointment today and my Nt scan today as well. The 12 week appt was seriously 5 minutes.  I peed on a stick and heard the heartbeat via Doppler. It was 162. That was it.

And then I had 2 1/2 hours before the nt scan.  So I sat in the lobby and killed time.  I couldn't go home because the appointments were only a few blocks apart and the weather sucks big time today. And of course my first appointment was really early so I dealt with rush hour traffic in icy and snowy road conditions. 

12 weeks with it's little leg in the air. 

The NT scan went well.  I could really see the heartbeat (158) and that was neat.  I got to see the baby move and stretch a little.  I wish Rob could have been there though.  The baby didn't want to move at first so I had to try flipping around so they could get the measurement needed.  

It is crazy how different my ultrasound pictures look.  From 6 to 8 to 12 weeks the baby grew so much. 

Then I had the blood work drawn and the wait at the lab was ridiculous.  It was so crowded and I got the last seat wedged in a corner, next to a really loud family.  All I wanted to do was eat and go to bed at that point. 

   

Day 18-Where are you the happiest?

I'm super lame, but honestly I'm the happiest at home in my sweatpants or in the summer sitting on the deck in the sunshine reading a book.

Old Wives Tales

Here is the link to where I found this list.  Obviously given my history a healthy baby is all I want.   Some of them were so ridiculous I just deleted them from the list. 

Old Wives Tale #1:  Heartburn

If a pregnant woman experiences heartburn throughout the 9 months of pregnancy, she’ll have a baby born with a full head of hair.  

(I haven't noticed any yet)

Old Wives Tale #4:  Heart Rate

If the baby’s heart rate is above 140 bpm, it is said that the baby will be a girl.  If it is under 140 bpm, then it will be a boy.  

(At my 12 weeks appointment it was 162, so girl)

Old Wives Tale #13:  Ring Test

Using a string, hang your wedding ring over your pregnant belly.  You are having a girl if the ring swings back and forth  and it’s a boy if it swings in a circle.   

(I think it did both when I tried)

Old Wives Tale #16:  Mayan Tale

The Mayan tale adds the mothers age at conception and the year of conception.  If the result is a even number then mom is having a girl.  If the result is an odd number then a boy is on the way!  

(This would give me a girl)

Old Wives Tale #19:  Cravings

People believe that if you are craving salty foods while pregnant, you can count on having a boy.  If you crave sweets, fruit, and orange juice, you are having a little girl.  

(Fruit has been my friend, so signs point to a girl)

Old Wives Tale #25:  History of Parent’s Kids

You can find out the sex by going off of your parent’s kids and the order.  If you are the first born, you will have what your mother had but starting with her second child.  If you are the middle child, you will have what she said, but starting with the third child.  If you are the last child, you will have what your mother had in the exact order.  I think this tale only works when the parent’s had three kids.  

(Lucky for me my mom had three kids (boy, girl, girl).  I am the middle so I should be having a girl.   It's been true for my sister though.  She was the last born and is having a boy in April. Actually my brother who is the oldest has a daughter which would make it true in that case as well). 

Old Wives Tale #26:  Time of Conception

The person that is most aggressive in bed at the time of conception is the opposite of what the baby will be.  

(I was probably more aggressive, but only because I knew I was really close to ovulation.  So a boy?)

Old Wives Tale #30:  Chinese Gender Chart

The Chinese Gender Chart claims to have an accuracy rate of over 90%.  It is based on how old the mother is at conception and the month that she conceived.  

(This says girl)

eam of Sex of Baby

If you have dreams that you are having a boy, you will have a girl.  If you dream about having a girl, it will be a boy.  Dreams show the opposite of what you are having.  

(I've only had one dream about each, so it's a toss-up)

Old Wives Tale #35:  Side You Most Rest On

If a pregnant woman prefers to lay on her left side, she’s having a boy.  If she prefers resting on her right side, she’s having a girl.

(I'm more comfortable on my right side, but I've always been that way)

Old Wives Tale #40:  What Do You Think?

71% of the time, the mom-to-be knows what she is having.  

(I don't really an feelings, but I suppose I lean slightly more toward a girl.)

Old Wives Tale #41:  Morning Sickness

If you had a smooth pregnancy with no morning sickness, it’s a boy.  If you were sick or felt really nauseous during your pregnancy, count on a girl. 

 (I have only thrown up once, but I’ve been nauseous more often than not. )

Old Wives Tale #44:  Feet

Are your feet colder now that you are pregnant?  If so, you just might be having a boy.  If your feet have stayed the same before pregnancy and during, you’re having a little girl.  

(I've always felt like my feet were colder than normal.  I haven't noticed any difference though.  I guess girl)

Old Wives Tale #46:  Hands are Dry

If your hands are constantly dry, it’s a boy.    

(Yes they are dry; however it is winter here and this happens every year)

  Old Wives Tale #49:  Headaches

If you are having headaches, you might be carrying a boy.  

(I suppose I have had more than normal, boy?)

The girl count is slightly higher than for a boy, but some of these are pretty silly.  I'll know in a few months accuracy of it.  I don't put much stock in it though, and am happy with a son or a daughter.

Day 17- Why & when I started blogging.

I started blogging last summer (2012).  We were beginning the process of trying to get pregnant with our first and since we weren't telling anyone in real life, I needed an outlet so I didn't drive Rob crazy with all the talk.

Reading other bloggers experiences had always helped me and I hoped that somehow my writing would help someone else.

Despite the anonymity that can happen, it's still nice to know that someone somewhere 'gets it.'

I think the hardest part initially was coming up with a name.  I lack creativity with things like that. I wish I could have come up with something more clever or witty, but it works. 

Now I feel like coming up with topics is difficult.  I write a weekly pregnancy update and this blog challenge is helpful, but other than that it's a struggle sometimes. 

As a whole however, I am happy with where my blog is at right now.  

Weekly Wrap Up

1) It hasn't been exactly warm here, but I thought (or really hoped) that we were done with snow.  It is mid-March after all.   Nope. Woke up this morning to snow, and a winter weather advisory.  

2) Naturally there would be a winter weather advisory the day my sister has a baby shower.  This is her last one and the one for her in-laws.  I don't really want to go.  In part because I've already been to two.  But also because her in-laws know I'm pregnant, but my family doesn't.  I'm not worried they will say something to me in front of my mom.  It's more the whole elephant in the room sort of thing.  I know they know, They know I know, but nobody says anything. 

3) I still haven't told my parents about the job thing.  I don't want to worry them or have them think I expect help.  My brother still expects help from them, but my sister and I don't.  My parents gave us money for our wedding (about 1/3 of what we needed), and my dad helped me with books my first semester or two in college.  Those were the last times I asked for help.   

4) I did tell my mother, brother and sister in law though.  We got together yesterday at Rob's mom's for Chris's (brother in law) birthday and she asked how work was.  I went uh, um actually I'm not working.  She said she would keep an ear/eye out for me.  

5) I actually did have someone from care.com contact me, but based on what they would pay me, it would be another pay cut (this time about $25).  It would be Wed, Th, Fri.  The family lives about 10 minutes away  (I guess based on the nearest intersection they gave).   I'll probably meet with them though.  If offered the job, I don't know if I should take it, or hope for something better. I'm running out of time to figure it out. 

6) After that rough last week I decided I wanted to do the nt scan.  A few weeks ago when I called the insurance company they said it needed to be pre-authorized and given the fact that I didn't have a history or risk factors it was unlikely they would so I was going to let it go.   My sister has the same insurance (different ob practice) though and it was covered for her last fall.  

So I called my ob's office Monday and told them I wanted to do it, but needed the pre-authorization.  They said they would call the MFM (maternal fetal medicine) since they don't do it on site and schedule it and then they would call me and give me the code for billing which I was supposed to then call my primary care doctor with and have him authorize it).  Whew!  So I got the notification via the online health care network that it was scheduled (which I later changed).  I called got the code and called my doctor's office and explained it to them.  

They didn't call me back that day so I called them the next day and left a message.  They called back and the woman I spoke to at the doctors office said that she spoke to the insurance company.  The insurance company said that it only needs to be pre-authorized on the east side of the state and not the west side where we live.  Seems kind of silly, but whatever.  I'm happy to see the baby again, and hoping Rob can make this appointment, but again not expecting him to.  I think it's the unknown that worries me.  If baby is healthy, awesome, but if something is wrong I don't want to wait another 8 weeks to find out.

Whew!  I think that's it for now :)

Overwhelmed

In regards to the job search thing I just feel overwhelmed.

I've said before that the last few jobs fell into my lap, and I haven't had to job search in almost 9 years.  

I don't know where to start.  I suppose I need to write a resume and cover letter, but I admit at 27 I don't know how to do that.  I'm sure I wrote one in high school as a assignment but seeing how that was almost ten years ago I'm sure things have changed a little. 

And frankly I don't know what I want to do.  I've applied for a few child care jobs via care.com, but haven't heard back from them.  It would be ideal to be able to bring the baby with me, and not have to pay child care costs, but taking a job and them knowing that in 6 months I'm going to need a while off seems less likely to happen.

I'm beating a dead horse here because I know I've talked about this before.

Everyday Rob asks me if I've found something.  I wish I could tell him yes, and I wish I could say that I was trying harder.  I feel like I've already become a bum.

I'm nervous and scared and trying to remember that God will provide.  He provided this week already with a few baby necessities.

But then we found out we are getting less back for taxes than we thought, as in several hundred dollars less.  It should be okay since we first were getting more than we thought back. 

Just pray for me okay?

And on a completely random unrelated note I started a fb page for this blog when I first began it.  I haven't updated it since last fall.  I'm going to try to do better about because I think that might be easier for me to do (quick fb updates vs longer blog posts).   There is a tab at the top of my page for it.  Hopefully it worked.  I'm not so tech savvy   But thanks to a great tutorial I figured out how to make a blog button (it's just a practice one; see right sidebar).  Just because all the cool kids have them. :)

Day 14-What's on your ipod

I don't listen to music much.  When I'm in my car I like silence. I use the time to think out loud (yeah I do talk to myself in the car). 

But I do have a few songs I listen to when I do turn a cd on.

1)  'Hit me with your best shot/one way or another' Glee mash up (Here)

2) 'Every storm runs out of rain' by Gary Alan (See here)

3) '10,000 reasons (Bless the Lord)' by Matt Redman (Here)

If I am at home and cooking sometimes I will turn on my Spice Girls Pandora station.  It plays lots of Spice Girls, Nsync, Backstreet Boys, and other pop bands of that time.

Day 13-Something you regret.

I just posted in yesterday's blog challenge how I miss not having regrets.

While I've loved working with kids I regret not getting a 'real job'  I don't mean to say my job isn't important and worthy.  I feel like the 5 years I spent in college and the money I spent on tuition is wasted since I'm not using that degree. 

Save Up Rocks!

Okay so saveup is this website I started using a year or so ago.  You link you bank accounts and loan accounts and when you deposit money or pay loans you earn credits in that amount.  Example if I made a deposit of $200 I'd get 200 credits.  Make sense?

So the website is free to use.  You use those credits to play for prizes.  Prizes include vacations, cars, gift cards etc...

Last May I won an ipad3.  I'd only been using the site for a few minutes and could not belive it.  I kept using the site never thinking I'd win something again. 

I like the features such as the financial snapshot which tells you how much you've saved and how much debt has been paid off.

I log in just a little bit ago to use my daily plays.  I see a notification that I have won a $100 Lowes gift card. 

For people who might be nervous about linking accounts, I have never had an issue with it.  I realize that not everyone is comforable with it.

If you are though, here is a link to sign up www.saveup.com/r/mDZ   This is a referral link, but I only get 10 free plays.  If you don't use that link the site is www.saveup.com.  Either way I think it's amazing. 

I'm not paid to say this or anything.  I really just love the site that much!

Day 12-Something I miss

I miss having no regrets about the way my life turned out.  I am happy with who and where I am, but I do have regrets and wish at times things would/could have been different.

I miss the feeling of being able to relax and enjoy the pregnancy.  Two early losses have jaded me.

I miss taking walks around the neighborhood.  Michigan in the winter makes that difficult.  I also miss fresh air because I hibernate for the most part in the winter. 

I miss flip flops and sandals and not having to wear coats and mittens every time I go outside. 

Eleven weeks!

How far along:  11 weeks

Baby Size:  a golf ball

Weight:  The scale I'd been using died the other day.  Luckily I had another one I had won. 122.8, no change.

Symptoms:   Still really nauseous and sleeping crappy (although I think some of those things relate to my job situation changing this week). 

Maternity Clothes:  Not yet

Sleep:  Crummy.

Cravings/Food Aversions:  Fruit is usually good, clementines, grapes, apples.  Generally meat sounds gross, but I only eat chicken and beef (burger) so it's not a big deal.  I'm terrible at drinking milk.  I don't drink it most days. I just forget.  I've never been a big fan of just drinking it. It has to be with cereal or cookies or something like that.

Belly Button:  In

Gender:  I did have a dream last weekend that it was a girl. It was my first dream about the sex of the baby.  I still don't really feel strongly either way.  
I've been leaning towards finding out since reading this post about being team green over on one of my favorite blogs (Jenni from the blog).  I knew I'd probably give in and find out because it was really important to Rob that we did know.   I've read a lot of posts about how great it is to not find out and this was a different perspective that I liked.

Name:  Not sure

Milestones:  Getting close to making it out of the first trimester.  Depending on what you go by it ends at either 12 weeks, 13 weeks, 13 weeks 3 days. 

11 weeks!

Looking forward to:  Hearing the heartbeat again.  No more progesterone!

What I miss:  Eating what I want.  I missed wine after a really really rough past week.

Appointments:  Next week.  My 12 week appt.  

Misc.  I still really wish I could have the NT scan done.  I want to see the baby again, but especially after last week and the crazy amount of stress I had I want to know things are okay.  I called my doctors office yesterday, and they were going to have the doctor order it.  The place it would be done at would call so I could schedule it and they would give me the billing codes I needed.  Then I need to call my pcp and tell him he had to authorize it (and they are part of a different network).  Then call insurance back with the codes. Oh vey!
The office where it would be done at never called me back yesterday though. 
UPDATE:  I just got an email on my health care network page (where I can see results, appts etc...) saying I have an appointment scheduled next Wednesday   Normally that wouldn't work for me, but at the moment I have that day free.  But I don't have a location for it or a phone number.  So I'm still going to have to call my ob to get the info so I can get the codes. 

Blessings in Everything

They are there if you look for them.

1) I got an email telling me I was the winner of a baby k'tan carrier

2) I won $15 on a lotto ticket Rob bought me the other day.  It was a $2 ticket.

3) I got another email telling me that I won this Baby entertainer.

I'm still majorly stressing out about the situation.  I know it's not good for the baby and I want to calm down, but I am failing so badly.

I slept maybe 5 hours last night.  I have this constant pit in my stomach of overwhelming dread and fear of what will happen next.  My last 2 jobs fell in my lap and the thought of starting the search for something is making me feel like curling up in bed forever. 

So for the moment I need to focus on the good and remember that God will provide.  He always has, he always will.  I've already been reminded of that today. 

Jobless

For the first time since 2004 I don't have a job or even a prospect of one.

It's horrible timing.  Trying to find a job, and being like oh by the way I'm going to work for you for 6 months and then I'm going to need some time off to have a baby. 

Ideally finding something in child care that would allow me to bring the baby would be good, but I'm almost ready for a change. 

Send me some good thoughts.  I need them. 

Day 8-Biggest Pet Peeve.

I think one of my biggest pet peeves has to do with other drivers.  I hate when people pull out in front of me, when there is no one behind me, and then they stop quickly and turn.  Seriously?  It's makes me stabby. And I am guilty of using my horn several times a month.  

I also hate when people don't use blinkers at 4 way stops, or really at any time, but mostly 4 way stops. 

Day 7- Dream Job

I work as a nanny and love what I do.  My day's can get tiring but the rewards are worth it and I love seeing kids 'get' things. 

Yesterday (see here)  had me seriously doubting myself though.  

If I wasn't in childcare I'm not sure what else I would do.  I do have a associates degree in Child Development and a bachelor's degree in family studies, that I'm not using at the moment.

I think I'd still want a job that allowed me to work with kids/familes, but maybe not as directly. I don't know what that looks like.

As a kid however my dream job was to name all the cabbage patch kids. :)  I'd still do this if I could. 

Doubting Myself

Today I feel like I'm going to be the worst mom ever.


I let the 11 month old that I watch get hurt today. The gas fireplace was on, I
forgot about it, got distracted cleaning up lunch, and he touched the glass and
burned his hands.

He cried for a hour before falling asleep. He seemed 'okay' (and by that I mean he didn't cry) when he woke up. He was looking at his hands a lot and recoiled when he tried to crawl, but he ate a bottle and was smiling at his sister.

His dad was on the opposite side of the state somewhere 3+ hours a way, and I didn't have a number for him. The mom was in meetings (I have no idea at which office) and didn't get my message until 5pm. Looking back I should have looked up the number in the phone book and started calling the offices. Maybe I should have just taken him to the ER.

They are in the process of moving and things are all packed up and all over so I could only find the baby lotion and I put some of that on his hands

When she (the mom) did get the message she called the doctors after hours and had me talk to the nurse so I could tell her about the blisters since the mom wasn't home.

When the mom did get home and saw them (one hand has blisters on the finger tips, the other on the palm) she started crying because she felt bad for him which of course made me cry because it was my fault for not watching him close enough.

The mom knows how he is into everything and knows that I didn't do it on purpose, but it doesn't make me feel better.

I cried when I got into the car to go home because I just feel like if I can't keep a kid safe from 8-5:30 how am I going to keep my own safe all the time.



I cried to Rob when he got home because of my fears and he tried to make me feel better but I don't. I calmed down after a while and stopped crying.

His mom just called to let me know they are leaving the ER. They think they are 2nd degree burns. The doctors put some stuff on it and said in a few days the blisters should pop. They are going to a burn specialist tomorrow just because he's so young and they want to make sure their is no lasting damage.

So while it looks like he will be okay, I still feel horrible (as if you couldn't tell already). And yes, I did cry again when I got off the phone with the mom.

31 day blog challenge-Day 5

Favorite Movies you never get sick of watching.

1) My all time favorite movie is Love Actually. I just love how the stories intertwine and the lengths people go to show their love for another.  I always feel happy at the end.

2) I watched Clueless and  Drop Dead Gorgeous so many times as a teenager.  I actually watched Clueless within the last few months, but haven't seen the other in years.  I'm pretty sure I have the DVD however.

I clearly have a thing for romance and comedies. Ocassionaly I like action movies.  I hate horror movies, and generally suspense.

10 weeks/ 25% of the way done

How far along:  10 weeks

Baby Size: The size of a hammer head or a prune

Weight:  122.8, down half a pound from last week.

Symptoms:   

• Food aversions, lot's of food aversions.  
• Moodiness, but lately I feel like Rob is trying to make me irritated on purpose.  If I tell you I am tired and don't feel well and don't want to have sex and just want to sleep it doesn't mean show up in bed naked.  
• I feel nauseous a lot.  I've only thrown up twice this pregnancy.  I threw up last week 30 seconds after taking the progesterone, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have even dissolved or broke down so I wasn't worried.  

Maternity Clothes: No, but I'm doing the hair tie trick on the one pair of jeans that fit.

Sleep:  Terrible, and never enough.  I've been working a lot and been busy lately so I haven't had the chance to nap.

Cravings/Food Aversions:  No cravings, most things sound gross.  I was able to tolerate strawberries and it was great that they were on sale last week.  I ate the last yesterday for breakfast though.

Belly Button:  In

Gender:  I've kind of been feeling  a little bit of a girl vibe, but I really don't have any thoughts.

Name:  Not sure.

Milestones:  25% done with the pregnancy! 

Looking forward to:  No more progesterone.  I would take it as long as I needed, but I will be glad to stop.  It gives me weird side effects.  The last few days the drunk one has been happening.

What I miss:  My appetite.

Appointments:  12 week appointment on March 19. 

Misc.  At my sister's second baby shower this weekend I had several people ask me when we were going to have a baby.  My response?  "We aren't trying right now."  Not a lie, since we aren't trying. Haha.  I'm so sneaky. 

31 day blog challenge-March 4

I feel like I am only blogging my weekly pregnancy updates and occasionally another post throughout this week.  I hope that these prompts are going the help me.  I tend to think I need something great or elaborate to write about, but really I can just keep it simple.  

Day 4- When we were kids my mom used to golf in a Wednesday night league.  My dad would take us to the Corner Bar and we would get hot dogs at the walk up window and go to the dam (about a block away) and eat them and watch the water and the fishermen.  I was always afraid I was going to fall in the water.  There are rails, obviously, I don't know why I thought this.   My dad will still go there for hot dogs when he is in the area and he usually will call me and tell me he has some.  

Three Things Thursday.

Yes, I'm aware it's Sunday and I'm posting this. :)

Must Have Purse Items

1) Lotion; I have really dry hands in the winter

2) Jolly ranchers at the moment, they help with the nausea
3) A pen

Quirks that make me me

1) I can't sleep with closets doors open or dresser drawers open

2) I love love having my arms or scalp scratched. 

3) I put vinegar on most foods.  Balsamic, apple cider, red wine, I love it all. 

Favorite drinks

1) Warm apple cider.  Lucky that I live in the heart of a huge apple growing area, and nothing beats fresh cider in the fall.

2) Lemonade

3) Pina Colada's or any fruity rum drink (when not pregnant of course!)

Friday Update.

I haven't done a Friday update in a while.  Other than growing a baby, not much is new with me, and I don't want to make every post about pregnancy related stuff.

1) I made some awesome potatoes this week.  I had some that I needed to use up (they were growing sprouts on them; or whatever those things are called), so I washed and cut off the bad spots.  Then I mixed them up with olive oil, sea salt, pepper, onion and garlic powder and rosemary and roaster them.  They were pretty darn good.  The downside was that the smell lingered and it wasn't a smell that was enjoyable the next morning. 

2) This weather has been ridiculous. I think the schools around here have had at least one snow day a week since January.  Considering last winter was so warm (we had 70 degree days in March) it's crazy to think how much more snow we've had this year.  

3) Although he's not aware of this blog, and probably wouldn't know what one was, today is my big brother's birthday.  Happy 29th Birthday Eric!

4) Tomorrow is also my nephew's 3rd birthday.  Time goes by so fast.

5) I made these puzzle blocks for my sister for one of  her baby showers.  They clearly are not perfect.  I bought wooden blocks at Michael's, and modge-podged scrapbook paper onto them.  I had one blank side left so I did a few misc. pictures that I had from my wedding and I painted one side and put a letter G on it (my nephew's name starts with a G).  I had initially gotten the idea from pinterest, but they used fabric, however I have lots of scrapbook paper so I went that route.

6) Occasionally I win prizes from blogs.
I just got a knock on my door as I'm writing this post.  It was a prize that needed a signature.  Should be something great right?  It's a Nick Jr. kid's dvd. And last fall I won a different kid's dvd that needed to be signed for, and of course I wasn't home at the time, so I had to go to a fed-ex place and pick it up.  These are dvd's that retail for $15 tops.  I've had packages worth much more sitting out on my doorstep all day long, but these are what needs to be signed for? I don't get it.

7) Also, laying in bed this morning  I hear mice in the wall between our room and the bathroom.  I heard it last year at some point and Rob tried to tell me then they were birds, but my parent's house had mice (downside of a house that is 110 years old) and I know what it sounds like.  Ugh!