My sweet Eleanor~ 4 months today!

Eleanor has learned how to really laugh this month.  The deep belly laughs that make me love her all the more- as if that was possible. (Check it out here).

Oh and when she talks she is loud.  Like really loud.  I wish I had a video of that.

She's started to play with toys now.  She has a few favorites (I'll write about those in the 4 month favorite post; gotta get started on that) and it's cute to see her shake them and smile.

Bath time is a favorite here.  Now that we took the mesh sling out she can kick more and she likes that although  I think it still startles her.  I actually gave her a bath today and just put a tiny amount (less than an inch; wasn't even to her ears) in the tub and laid her on her back.  It was the first time I've done that, and I stood in there with her, but it worked and I'll do it again.

Sleep is still basically whatever and whenever she wants.  Now that I'm working in the afternoons she usually sleeps on and off in the car.  I've been trying to put her down a little bit earlier so that she sleeps longer, but that hasn't happened yet.  She has put herself to sleep a few times though.  At night she sleeps okay, she usually goes to sleep around 8:30/9 pm and is up anywhere from 6 am -8 am.  She still is taking her little 20-30 minute cat naps 4-5 times a day which is frustrating at times because I am exhausted and want to nap too!

She's still sleeping in the rock n play next to my bed.  I call it my bed because Rob has slept in there two, maybe three times since she was born. I know eventually she's going to need to be in her crib, but I dread that day.

We are still breastfeeding.    Each week that passes that we still going I feel a little victorious!



 On rare occasions she gets a bottle, but only a few times a month probably.  I don't mind normally because I'm still afraid of clogged ducts and that sort of thing. Ideally I'd like to get to a year and then see where things go.


I'm not at all ready for another baby.  I know some people on my birth month bard having baby fever and some even trying, but I'm not there.  Before she was born I would have said around her first birthday that I wanted to start trying for a sibling, but I think that I won't be ready.  I want to wait at least a year to give myself the best chance for a vaginal birth, and honestly I can't imagine being able to give two children equal attention.  I'm sure every parent of more than one child thinks that, and really I know that it's okay at that stage to not give them equal attention.



It's just that 90% of the parenting duties fall on me and it's overwhelming enough with one never getting 'me' time so I just don't want to do it and feel that way with two children.

At the same time I don't want to wait a long time and have such a big age gap and I don't know how long it will take to get pregnant again.  It took 6 months and 2 losses to get Eleanor.

She's started the teething process (as evidenced by that finger always in her mouth and the massive amounts of drool).  No teeth, although last night I had a dream that she got one.

I'm doing pretty good physically.  I still have a flabby stomach (and I'm thinking that will always be like that) but it has shrunk a lot and I'm close to my pre-pregnancy weight.  The shape not so much though.   Occasionally I'll have some pains at the incision site, but nothing that lasts to long.

So basically it's crazy to think we're already 1/3 of the way to a year!  I love that little sweet pea so much!

Overwhelmed

In regards to the job search thing I just feel overwhelmed.

I've said before that the last few jobs fell into my lap, and I haven't had to job search in almost 9 years.  

I don't know where to start.  I suppose I need to write a resume and cover letter, but I admit at 27 I don't know how to do that.  I'm sure I wrote one in high school as a assignment but seeing how that was almost ten years ago I'm sure things have changed a little. 

And frankly I don't know what I want to do.  I've applied for a few child care jobs via care.com, but haven't heard back from them.  It would be ideal to be able to bring the baby with me, and not have to pay child care costs, but taking a job and them knowing that in 6 months I'm going to need a while off seems less likely to happen.

I'm beating a dead horse here because I know I've talked about this before.

Everyday Rob asks me if I've found something.  I wish I could tell him yes, and I wish I could say that I was trying harder.  I feel like I've already become a bum.

I'm nervous and scared and trying to remember that God will provide.  He provided this week already with a few baby necessities.

But then we found out we are getting less back for taxes than we thought, as in several hundred dollars less.  It should be okay since we first were getting more than we thought back. 

Just pray for me okay?

And on a completely random unrelated note I started a fb page for this blog when I first began it.  I haven't updated it since last fall.  I'm going to try to do better about because I think that might be easier for me to do (quick fb updates vs longer blog posts).   There is a tab at the top of my page for it.  Hopefully it worked.  I'm not so tech savvy   But thanks to a great tutorial I figured out how to make a blog button (it's just a practice one; see right sidebar).  Just because all the cool kids have them. :)