Being Sent~A Real Life Moment

Generally I don't do religious posts on the blog, but this has been on my mind all week and the more I think about it the more the timing is what I need.

This week has been brutal-and I mean that.  I don't think I've had a week this bad since she was born. The baby will.not.sleep.  Before she would nap, but they would be short naps.  Now she just won't nap at all (she still does okay at night, waking once or twice from 9 pm-6 am).  Yesterday she napped 2 maybe 3 hours over the course of 14 hours.  She needs waaay more sleep than that, and I know she's tired because she just gives off all the tired signs.  After 4 hours of her being awake, and almost an hour of me trying to get her to sleep, I put her in the car and she was out in 2 minutes. 

Today she was up at 6:30 am, I tried again for almost an hour to get her to sleep, until 9:45 when I managed to get her to sleep by side lie nursing her and she slept (if you don't count the comfort sucking- that was 15 minutes) and whole 5 minutes.

I'm like moments away from losing it, because I'm in serious need of a moment to myself, and a moment to spend with Rob in the evenings, and I'm tired of crying along with my kid or raising my voice to say 'GO TO SLEEP'  and then crying some more because I yelled at my 5 month old.

So that's where I'm at, and that's where this message from church on Sunday comes in.

The message was on being sent.  I went on missions trips in high school and interacted with missionaries from church who used the term 'sent.' As in God sent me to this far off remote place to serve Him.

But really it doesn't have to be that way.  God sends us where we are.  So I'm 'sent' to be Eleanor's mom and to raise her to know and love God and share that.  

I've mentioned before that I feel like I'm not a grown up because I don't have a grown up job and I don't use my college degree etc..... but knowing I still have a purpose and this is where I'm supposed to be makes me feel better.

So if I can just get through these moments...

and remember that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be, it will make these sooo much better.

(If you are interested in the message you can hear it by searching for the podcast on itunes under radio@90, and it's titled: The upside down kingdom: week 7)

Things I've cried about this week

Clearly I'm pregnant.

1) I cried because Rob wouldn't give me the computer on Sunday so I could order baby leggings from this co-op I'm part of and I couldn't do it on the ipad.  He gave me the computer and I ordered these and the ones pictured (the pictures are links)

    

Thanks to the co-op I am paying under $14 for all with shipping.  I didn't really need to get them for baby girl, but I wanted to, and I wanted to get so many more styles as well.

I wish I would have seen these though.  I see amazon carries them, and I have gift cards to amazon so maybe...?
\ 

2) I cried because we started getting ants in the kitchen this week and I can't seem to keep them away.  I'm tired of seeing them crawling all over the floor and the counter every time I go into the kitchen.

3) I didn't actually cry over this, but tonight there was a beer tent for our local town celebration and I dropped Rob off and it was crazy crazy busy.  Like there must have been hundreds and hundreds of people there.  If there wasn't a cover charge I would have gone just to hang out, but I didn't want to pay the cover (it was $5) because I'm cheap and wouldn't have stayed long at all.   A beer tent when your 29 weeks pregnant.  Not so much fun.

4) I've been close to crying because I can't sleep and I can't get comfortable when I'm sitting (the couch, the floor, etc...)

Yeah, I'm ridiculous sometimes.

Doubting Myself

Today I feel like I'm going to be the worst mom ever.


I let the 11 month old that I watch get hurt today. The gas fireplace was on, I
forgot about it, got distracted cleaning up lunch, and he touched the glass and
burned his hands.

He cried for a hour before falling asleep. He seemed 'okay' (and by that I mean he didn't cry) when he woke up. He was looking at his hands a lot and recoiled when he tried to crawl, but he ate a bottle and was smiling at his sister.

His dad was on the opposite side of the state somewhere 3+ hours a way, and I didn't have a number for him. The mom was in meetings (I have no idea at which office) and didn't get my message until 5pm. Looking back I should have looked up the number in the phone book and started calling the offices. Maybe I should have just taken him to the ER.

They are in the process of moving and things are all packed up and all over so I could only find the baby lotion and I put some of that on his hands

When she (the mom) did get the message she called the doctors after hours and had me talk to the nurse so I could tell her about the blisters since the mom wasn't home.

When the mom did get home and saw them (one hand has blisters on the finger tips, the other on the palm) she started crying because she felt bad for him which of course made me cry because it was my fault for not watching him close enough.

The mom knows how he is into everything and knows that I didn't do it on purpose, but it doesn't make me feel better.

I cried when I got into the car to go home because I just feel like if I can't keep a kid safe from 8-5:30 how am I going to keep my own safe all the time.



I cried to Rob when he got home because of my fears and he tried to make me feel better but I don't. I calmed down after a while and stopped crying.

His mom just called to let me know they are leaving the ER. They think they are 2nd degree burns. The doctors put some stuff on it and said in a few days the blisters should pop. They are going to a burn specialist tomorrow just because he's so young and they want to make sure their is no lasting damage.

So while it looks like he will be okay, I still feel horrible (as if you couldn't tell already). And yes, I did cry again when I got off the phone with the mom.