Friday, October 31, 2014

Starting to Struggle

I'll be honest.  I'm struggling a little.  No one wants to admit they can't handle what life throws at them, but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed.
This is a problem for so many of us these days. WE want control, WE want to take charge of our own lives. I even struggle with this sometimes! But as Christians, we need to have faith that The Lord will provide for our every need. That He will sustain us. And all we have to do is surrender our cares to Him. His power is so mighty...He will never let you down. He will sustain you. ❤️

Oh and I'm not good at organizing my thoughts so they may jump around

If you missed my post earlier this week here's the recap.  Rob's been sick for about a month, and has been in the hospital several times.  He's missed close to two weeks of work in that time frame, and when he does work he either goes in late or comes home early.  He get's home exhausted and in pain and spends the rest of the night unable to do anything.  This means I am caring for Eleanor on my own. 

On Tuesday morning I took him back to the hospital and he's still there. 

Last night I started to feel super overwhelmed on the way back from my daily hospital visit.  I want to stay with Rob but I have a baby to get back to.  I'm feeling torn and I started to cry on the way home.  I'm sad for my husband that he has to deal with so much pain and scared that he's not getting better (and really he's getting worse).

I'm afraid. Of the future and the uncertainty that I face. But now I seem to have a bit of a plan.

I'm exhausted mentally because the only free time I get is late at night or the occasional nap time.  I guess technically I've had free time, but I spend it driving to the hospital, visiting Rob and driving home.  And it's never enough like I said.  I hate leaving my husband there alone, but I can't take advantage of my parents help since they have been over everyday this week.  They are tired and have their own stuff going on too.  And really, I need to be here for Eleanor too

I have been thankful for technology this week because Eleanor has been able to see Rob via facetime. She babbles and chats when she sees him so I know that makes him happy.

And this morning as I'm trying to find a babysitter Rob texts me asking if I can bring her down.  He hadn't seen her in several days and missed her.  So I brought her down.   She was really well behaved (that container of snacks probably helped), and was really happy.  She kept looking up at Rob like she thought he was going to leave her.  It made me sad, but the joy from both of them was worth it. I was happy I could do that, and it made me feel a teeny bit better.

I suppose in the scheme of things I'm doing okay.  I haven't been annoyed at him since that post or frustrated.  I don't know if it sounds bad, but I'm thankful he's been in the hospital because I know he needs to be there.  I miss him at home, but at least there I don't have to worry as much (although I still do).

I don't tell Rob any of this because he doesn't need the stress of it.  Financially we are going to struggle these next few months, but God has already been providing and I am daily reminded of that.  We have family who have been gracious and offered their help (not just financially, but however we need).  I don't love the idea of asking for help, but I know they want to or they wouldn't have offered.  Keep sending us prayers and good vibes. 

1 comment:

  1. Sending prayers, hugs, and strength your way. I cannot imagine how difficult this all must be. Stay strong.