Starting to Struggle

I'll be honest.  I'm struggling a little.  No one wants to admit they can't handle what life throws at them, but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed.


Oh and I'm not good at organizing my thoughts so they may jump around

If you missed my post earlier this week here's the recap.  Rob's been sick for about a month, and has been in the hospital several times.  He's missed close to two weeks of work in that time frame, and when he does work he either goes in late or comes home early.  He get's home exhausted and in pain and spends the rest of the night unable to do anything.  This means I am caring for Eleanor on my own. 

On Tuesday morning I took him back to the hospital and he's still there. 

Last night I started to feel super overwhelmed on the way back from my daily hospital visit.  I want to stay with Rob but I have a baby to get back to.  I'm feeling torn and I started to cry on the way home.  I'm sad for my husband that he has to deal with so much pain and scared that he's not getting better (and really he's getting worse).



I'm exhausted mentally because the only free time I get is late at night or the occasional nap time.  I guess technically I've had free time, but I spend it driving to the hospital, visiting Rob and driving home.  And it's never enough like I said.  I hate leaving my husband there alone, but I can't take advantage of my parents help since they have been over everyday this week.  They are tired and have their own stuff going on too.  And really, I need to be here for Eleanor too

I have been thankful for technology this week because Eleanor has been able to see Rob via facetime. She babbles and chats when she sees him so I know that makes him happy.

And this morning as I'm trying to find a babysitter Rob texts me asking if I can bring her down.  He hadn't seen her in several days and missed her.  So I brought her down.   She was really well behaved (that container of snacks probably helped), and was really happy.  She kept looking up at Rob like she thought he was going to leave her.  It made me sad, but the joy from both of them was worth it. I was happy I could do that, and it made me feel a teeny bit better.

I suppose in the scheme of things I'm doing okay.  I haven't been annoyed at him since that post or frustrated.  I don't know if it sounds bad, but I'm thankful he's been in the hospital because I know he needs to be there.  I miss him at home, but at least there I don't have to worry as much (although I still do).

I don't tell Rob any of this because he doesn't need the stress of it.  Financially we are going to struggle these next few months, but God has already been providing and I am daily reminded of that.  We have family who have been gracious and offered their help (not just financially, but however we need).  I don't love the idea of asking for help, but I know they want to or they wouldn't have offered.  Keep sending us prayers and good vibes. 

Changing My Tune: Supporting A Sick Husband

A month and a half or so ago Rob decided to eat healthier and instead of fast food for lunch got salads and fruit.  A week later Rob started to feel have stomach pain, and asked about it at his yearly physical, and was told it was most likely do to the diet change.

But the pain didn't get better, and instead got much worse.  He couldn't work and when he did work he would come home early and be done for.  He'd be in bed or on the couch until the next morning.  He skipped birthday parties and hanging out with friends.

Then we went to the ER (on the 12th) and found out there was some colon problems.  This from a cat scan, and blood work.  Two days later he was able to get in for a colonoscopy (a miracle that he got in so soon!).  The diagnosis:  Pan Colitis (ulcerative colitis).  At this point he has about 4 different medications (pain and anti-inflammatory).  

And still he doesn't get better.  Cue more labs and prescriptions and days off work or leaving early.

Oh and cue me being beyond stressed because he's unable to provide  care for Eleanor.  On a good day I can take a quick shower while she plays on the floor and Rob's on the couch without her banging on the door or Rob needing the bathroom.

And it's taking a toll on our marriage as well.  I'm stressed and annoyed at him for getting to sit down.  It's irrational I know.  I know he's in pain, but every moan he makes causes me to roll my eyes.  Oh sure I'm acting the loving wife and getting what he needs & dealing with Eleanor.

Then this weekend I started to feel guilty.  It's not his fault and I can't add more stress to his plate.  So I'm changing my tune and showing him more support and not rolling my eyes and complaining.

He might not have done what I needed for me those times I was sick or in pain in the past, but I'm not doing this as something to throw in his face.

I couldn't fall asleep last night, and when I finally did Rob woke me up in pain and back to the ER we went this morning at 4 am.  (So thankful for my dad for staying with Eleanor-  he just retired from being  a third shifter and so he doesn't sleep well at night and was awake when I called him)

It's taken a physical toll on him (he's lost 20 lbs in a month), a mental toll on me and it's been a struggle financially.  This is a time of year where we have higher bills due to energy and heating costs, car insurance and the holidays.

So prayers for all of us will be much appreciated and if you have advice or tips on dealing with this please leave me a comment.

Fall Comfort Food: Vegetable Soup

With fall time in Michigan comes cooler temperatures.  Much cooler.  So that means that warm filling foods are a must.

One of my favorite things to make is a vegetable soup. It's filling and it's cheap (and that is the best part) I make it little thicker than a soup although you can tweak it easily to make it more of a soupier consistency.

Ingredients

• A bag of frozen mixed vegetables                                                                       $1
• A jar of spaghetti sauce                                                                                       $1
• A box of noodles (usually I use radiatore, but I used cavatappi this time)         $1
• Can of diced tomatoes                                                                                         $. 75

And that's it.

I cook the noodles until they are done, then mix everything into a crockpot and let it cook on high for a few hours.  

I use spaghetti sauce since it's the same thing as tomato soup (although I do occasionally add a can of that as well), and I only use half of the box of noodles.

I also will add other veggies if I have them on hand (such as onion or pepper).  Basically you can use up what you have in the house. 

I make this meal every few weeks, and if there are leftovers freeze them in individual portions for me to have for lunch.

Toddler Approved!

Braun No Touch Forehead Thermometer

I was sent this for review from Influenster.  All thoughts and opinions are my own. 

When I got that email saying I was chosen for the Braun vox box I was really excited.  It's definitely a 'you know your a mom moment' when you get excited over a thermometer.  But I was.  A thermometer that reads in just a few seconds and you don't even have to touch it to the forehead. Yes please!

We take her temperature the old fashioned way (If you know what I mean?).  It's the most accurate way for a baby, but as she get's older she's a lot less cooperative - and really can you blame her?  That's no fun.

This is her watching me take my temperature.

With cold and flu season coming up I am really happy to have this.   This will easy become my go to thermometer.  I'd still take her temperature the other way if it was borderline, but this would function every other time.

And it is so easy to use.  Seriously takes the temperature in seconds.  I had to pin her down to take a video because otherwise she would grab for it.  I turned it on, took her temp, read it and had it back off in ten seconds.  With a squirmy wormy girl this is a must.

And another amazing thing about this is that you don't even have to touch it to the forehead.  You can just hold it an inch or so away.  You can touch the forehead, but if you have a sleeping sick baby you don't even to disturb them.   There is a slight variation in temperatures (like 98.7 to 98.9) from touching the forehead to not, but I expected that.

It's got a huge screen and a back lite to make it easy to read the temp which is nice.

I love this thing and would absolutely recommend it.

Birthday Wrap-Up

It's been a really wild here lately (Rob's had some health issues,  and I haven't had a chance to do really get on the computer), but here is the birthday post finally!

A few days before her birthday we had her party at our house. We had about 20-25 people show up and while it was crowded it was a nice pretty low key time.  

There was no theme really, just pink (and a few white) decorations.  Rob made the wreath, I made the banner & the cupcake toppers (seen in pictures below), and the rest of the decorations came from the store. 

I bought her a little cake, cupcakes, donut holes and cookies from Meijer. I made brownies (from a box) and also bought ice cream.

Then on her actual birthday Rob took the day off work and we hung around most of the day.  I had dreams of going to do something but we didn't really have any money to spare.  We ended up going to a park and then out to dinner (on a giftcard from my birthday).  When we got home she got her presents from us and then she had a cupcake.

Happy 1st Birthday Eleanor!  We love you so much!