This week has been brutal-and I mean that. I don't think I've had a week this bad since she was born. The baby will.not.sleep. Before she would nap, but they would be short naps. Now she just won't nap at all (she still does okay at night, waking once or twice from 9 pm-6 am). Yesterday she napped 2 maybe 3 hours over the course of 14 hours. She needs waaay more sleep than that, and I know she's tired because she just gives off all the tired signs. After 4 hours of her being awake, and almost an hour of me trying to get her to sleep, I put her in the car and she was out in 2 minutes.
Today she was up at 6:30 am, I tried again for almost an hour to get her to sleep, until 9:45 when I managed to get her to sleep by side lie nursing her and she slept (if you don't count the comfort sucking- that was 15 minutes) and whole 5 minutes.
I'm like moments away from losing it, because I'm in serious need of a moment to myself, and a moment to spend with Rob in the evenings, and I'm tired of crying along with my kid or raising my voice to say 'GO TO SLEEP' and then crying some more because I yelled at my 5 month old.
So that's where I'm at, and that's where this message from church on Sunday comes in.
The message was on being sent. I went on missions trips in high school and interacted with missionaries from church who used the term 'sent.' As in God sent me to this far off remote place to serve Him.
But really it doesn't have to be that way. God sends us where we are. So I'm 'sent' to be Eleanor's mom and to raise her to know and love God and share that.
I've mentioned before that I feel like I'm not a grown up because I don't have a grown up job and I don't use my college degree etc..... but knowing I still have a purpose and this is where I'm supposed to be makes me feel better.
So if I can just get through these moments...
and remember that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be, it will make these sooo much better.
(If you are interested in the message you can hear it by searching for the podcast on itunes under radio@90, and it's titled: The upside down kingdom: week 7)