I know it's okay; and what I feel is normal. A loss is a loss no matter how far along.
Just when I think I "might" be better. I start crying. I want my baby.
And all my internet friends on the bump have helped me more than I can believe. Not all of them have experienced loss, but they all offered me some sort of support. I think I bawled the most at that.
I called an ob/gyn office today because I don't have one. They told me to go to the hospital. I won't do that because I don't think that is necessary. There isn't anything they can do. I'm bleeding but no more than a regular period, I have mild cramping, my back hurts, but nothing that I am concerned about.
Then I called my doctor's office and told them and they said that I could come in for blood work if I wanted, but I don't feel like that is necessary.
I will probably make an appointment at the ob/gyn sometime next week for a follow up to make sure we are okay to ttc again or if we should wait. I want to be a mom but at the same time I feel like giving up.
Not that anyone ever thinks they will have a miscarriage, but I never thought I would be part of that club.
We got lucky on cycle 2 getting pregnant, and now we are back to square one. Who knows how long it could take this time.
On one hand I am grateful that I didn't tell anyone in real life (IRL) that I was pregnant, on the other I had dreamed about getting to share that news and have that moment.
I don't know if I want to even tell anyone about the miscarriage. Maybe if I get pregnant again and am at a safer point in the pregnancy. I don't think I'll even share until 3-4 months along in that case.
Edit: Okay I get that it isn't as big of a deal to Rob, but it's 9:00pm and he has not yet called me to see how I'm doing. That makes me feel really hurt and resentful of him.
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