Blessings in Everything

They are there if you look for them.

1) I got an email telling me I was the winner of a baby k'tan carrier

2) I won $15 on a lotto ticket Rob bought me the other day.  It was a $2 ticket.

3) I got another email telling me that I won this Baby entertainer.

I'm still majorly stressing out about the situation.  I know it's not good for the baby and I want to calm down, but I am failing so badly.

I slept maybe 5 hours last night.  I have this constant pit in my stomach of overwhelming dread and fear of what will happen next.  My last 2 jobs fell in my lap and the thought of starting the search for something is making me feel like curling up in bed forever. 

So for the moment I need to focus on the good and remember that God will provide.  He always has, he always will.  I've already been reminded of that today. 

Jobless

For the first time since 2004 I don't have a job or even a prospect of one.

It's horrible timing.  Trying to find a job, and being like oh by the way I'm going to work for you for 6 months and then I'm going to need some time off to have a baby. 

Ideally finding something in child care that would allow me to bring the baby would be good, but I'm almost ready for a change. 

Send me some good thoughts.  I need them. 

Day 8-Biggest Pet Peeve.

I think one of my biggest pet peeves has to do with other drivers.  I hate when people pull out in front of me, when there is no one behind me, and then they stop quickly and turn.  Seriously?  It's makes me stabby. And I am guilty of using my horn several times a month.  

I also hate when people don't use blinkers at 4 way stops, or really at any time, but mostly 4 way stops. 

Day 7- Dream Job

I work as a nanny and love what I do.  My day's can get tiring but the rewards are worth it and I love seeing kids 'get' things. 

Yesterday (see here)  had me seriously doubting myself though.  

If I wasn't in childcare I'm not sure what else I would do.  I do have a associates degree in Child Development and a bachelor's degree in family studies, that I'm not using at the moment.

I think I'd still want a job that allowed me to work with kids/familes, but maybe not as directly. I don't know what that looks like.

As a kid however my dream job was to name all the cabbage patch kids. :)  I'd still do this if I could. 

Doubting Myself

Today I feel like I'm going to be the worst mom ever.


I let the 11 month old that I watch get hurt today. The gas fireplace was on, I
forgot about it, got distracted cleaning up lunch, and he touched the glass and
burned his hands.

He cried for a hour before falling asleep. He seemed 'okay' (and by that I mean he didn't cry) when he woke up. He was looking at his hands a lot and recoiled when he tried to crawl, but he ate a bottle and was smiling at his sister.

His dad was on the opposite side of the state somewhere 3+ hours a way, and I didn't have a number for him. The mom was in meetings (I have no idea at which office) and didn't get my message until 5pm. Looking back I should have looked up the number in the phone book and started calling the offices. Maybe I should have just taken him to the ER.

They are in the process of moving and things are all packed up and all over so I could only find the baby lotion and I put some of that on his hands

When she (the mom) did get the message she called the doctors after hours and had me talk to the nurse so I could tell her about the blisters since the mom wasn't home.

When the mom did get home and saw them (one hand has blisters on the finger tips, the other on the palm) she started crying because she felt bad for him which of course made me cry because it was my fault for not watching him close enough.

The mom knows how he is into everything and knows that I didn't do it on purpose, but it doesn't make me feel better.

I cried when I got into the car to go home because I just feel like if I can't keep a kid safe from 8-5:30 how am I going to keep my own safe all the time.



I cried to Rob when he got home because of my fears and he tried to make me feel better but I don't. I calmed down after a while and stopped crying.

His mom just called to let me know they are leaving the ER. They think they are 2nd degree burns. The doctors put some stuff on it and said in a few days the blisters should pop. They are going to a burn specialist tomorrow just because he's so young and they want to make sure their is no lasting damage.

So while it looks like he will be okay, I still feel horrible (as if you couldn't tell already). And yes, I did cry again when I got off the phone with the mom.

31 day blog challenge-Day 5

Favorite Movies you never get sick of watching.

1) My all time favorite movie is Love Actually. I just love how the stories intertwine and the lengths people go to show their love for another.  I always feel happy at the end.

2) I watched Clueless and  Drop Dead Gorgeous so many times as a teenager.  I actually watched Clueless within the last few months, but haven't seen the other in years.  I'm pretty sure I have the DVD however.

I clearly have a thing for romance and comedies. Ocassionaly I like action movies.  I hate horror movies, and generally suspense.

10 weeks/ 25% of the way done

How far along:  10 weeks

Baby Size: The size of a hammer head or a prune

Weight:  122.8, down half a pound from last week.

Symptoms:   

• Food aversions, lot's of food aversions.  
• Moodiness, but lately I feel like Rob is trying to make me irritated on purpose.  If I tell you I am tired and don't feel well and don't want to have sex and just want to sleep it doesn't mean show up in bed naked.  
• I feel nauseous a lot.  I've only thrown up twice this pregnancy.  I threw up last week 30 seconds after taking the progesterone, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have even dissolved or broke down so I wasn't worried.  

Maternity Clothes: No, but I'm doing the hair tie trick on the one pair of jeans that fit.

Sleep:  Terrible, and never enough.  I've been working a lot and been busy lately so I haven't had the chance to nap.

Cravings/Food Aversions:  No cravings, most things sound gross.  I was able to tolerate strawberries and it was great that they were on sale last week.  I ate the last yesterday for breakfast though.

Belly Button:  In

Gender:  I've kind of been feeling  a little bit of a girl vibe, but I really don't have any thoughts.

Name:  Not sure.

Milestones:  25% done with the pregnancy! 

Looking forward to:  No more progesterone.  I would take it as long as I needed, but I will be glad to stop.  It gives me weird side effects.  The last few days the drunk one has been happening.

What I miss:  My appetite.

Appointments:  12 week appointment on March 19. 

Misc.  At my sister's second baby shower this weekend I had several people ask me when we were going to have a baby.  My response?  "We aren't trying right now."  Not a lie, since we aren't trying. Haha.  I'm so sneaky. 

31 day blog challenge-March 4

I feel like I am only blogging my weekly pregnancy updates and occasionally another post throughout this week.  I hope that these prompts are going the help me.  I tend to think I need something great or elaborate to write about, but really I can just keep it simple.  

Day 4- When we were kids my mom used to golf in a Wednesday night league.  My dad would take us to the Corner Bar and we would get hot dogs at the walk up window and go to the dam (about a block away) and eat them and watch the water and the fishermen.  I was always afraid I was going to fall in the water.  There are rails, obviously, I don't know why I thought this.   My dad will still go there for hot dogs when he is in the area and he usually will call me and tell me he has some.  

Three Things Thursday.

Yes, I'm aware it's Sunday and I'm posting this. :)

Must Have Purse Items

1) Lotion; I have really dry hands in the winter

2) Jolly ranchers at the moment, they help with the nausea
3) A pen

Quirks that make me me

1) I can't sleep with closets doors open or dresser drawers open

2) I love love having my arms or scalp scratched. 

3) I put vinegar on most foods.  Balsamic, apple cider, red wine, I love it all. 

Favorite drinks

1) Warm apple cider.  Lucky that I live in the heart of a huge apple growing area, and nothing beats fresh cider in the fall.

2) Lemonade

3) Pina Colada's or any fruity rum drink (when not pregnant of course!)

Friday Update.

I haven't done a Friday update in a while.  Other than growing a baby, not much is new with me, and I don't want to make every post about pregnancy related stuff.

1) I made some awesome potatoes this week.  I had some that I needed to use up (they were growing sprouts on them; or whatever those things are called), so I washed and cut off the bad spots.  Then I mixed them up with olive oil, sea salt, pepper, onion and garlic powder and rosemary and roaster them.  They were pretty darn good.  The downside was that the smell lingered and it wasn't a smell that was enjoyable the next morning. 

2) This weather has been ridiculous. I think the schools around here have had at least one snow day a week since January.  Considering last winter was so warm (we had 70 degree days in March) it's crazy to think how much more snow we've had this year.  

3) Although he's not aware of this blog, and probably wouldn't know what one was, today is my big brother's birthday.  Happy 29th Birthday Eric!

4) Tomorrow is also my nephew's 3rd birthday.  Time goes by so fast.

5) I made these puzzle blocks for my sister for one of  her baby showers.  They clearly are not perfect.  I bought wooden blocks at Michael's, and modge-podged scrapbook paper onto them.  I had one blank side left so I did a few misc. pictures that I had from my wedding and I painted one side and put a letter G on it (my nephew's name starts with a G).  I had initially gotten the idea from pinterest, but they used fabric, however I have lots of scrapbook paper so I went that route.

6) Occasionally I win prizes from blogs.
I just got a knock on my door as I'm writing this post.  It was a prize that needed a signature.  Should be something great right?  It's a Nick Jr. kid's dvd. And last fall I won a different kid's dvd that needed to be signed for, and of course I wasn't home at the time, so I had to go to a fed-ex place and pick it up.  These are dvd's that retail for $15 tops.  I've had packages worth much more sitting out on my doorstep all day long, but these are what needs to be signed for? I don't get it.

7) Also, laying in bed this morning  I hear mice in the wall between our room and the bathroom.  I heard it last year at some point and Rob tried to tell me then they were birds, but my parent's house had mice (downside of a house that is 110 years old) and I know what it sounds like.  Ugh!