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I just signed up for this cool site and have some recipes saved.  It may be a while before I make them, but they will be ready and waiting when I choose to.

I think this will come in handy after baby is born.  I can meal plan, create a grocery list, and when I am ready to start seriously working on the losing the baby weight, there is even a calorie counter option.

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Weekly wrap up 5.11.13

I've been absent with my weekly wrap-up's lately.  I just haven't had much going on aside from the pregnancy, and I don't want to make these all about pregnancy.

1)  So my job has ended.  Now I'm back to attempting to find something again.  I know Rob says we will be okay, but I just hate not helping out financially. 

2) And while we might  be financially okay at the moment, in a few months it will be a different story.  Hello $3,000 deductible

3) We had some beautiful weather earlier this week.  I even got a slight sunburn being outside (I'm usually good about sunscreen, but I hadn't planned to be out for so long and just didn't think about it). Then yesterday it got cold, and my winter coat won't zip up so that was a bummer (it's not broken, I'm just to big for it to zip up)

4) Yesterday was Rob's birthday! We went to Logan's for dinner with his: mom, sister and brother in law, niece and nephew, and his grandparents.   It was nice to see them and visit.  Then we had cake and later ice cream back at our house.  I didn't get him much, just a few shirts.  Even baby girl got him a onesie that said I love daddy.  :)  I'm hoping it will fit her on his birthday next year (it's a 9 month so it might be a little big if she's a peanut.  If she's not then it shouldn't be a problem at all).  I did make him a handmade card.   I didn't want to spend money on a card when I had plenty of scrapbook paper, and supplies.  It turned out just fine.

5) Because I haven't been working I've been doing some deep cleaning around the house.  This week I cleaned the top of the kitchen cabinets.  I'm pretty sure that it's never been done since Rob bought the house...4 years ago.  I don't even know if it was done then.  It took me several hours to clean.  The only thing that worked was oil soap.  It was a bit uncomfortable because I couldn't stand up straight because of the height so my neck was crooked and by the end neck and shoulders hurt.  Oh and my arms.  They are still sore from scrubbing.   I put paper towel down when I was all done so hopefully that will help in the future.

I've done other cleaning as well.  I cleaned the bathroom basement (that rarely gets used by Rob; it's to cold down there for me), all the baseboards, behind the fridge; I dust most days; vacuum and clean the floors behind, among other things.  At least the house has never been better.  My sister thinks I'm nesting already.  I think it's more needing to feel productive.

6) I made homemade meatballs this week.  Despite my meat aversions I ate a few and they were pretty good.  They took some time to make though.  I had to shape the meatballs, then freeze them, roll them in flour, brown them and then bake them with the sauce that I also made.   Rob enjoyed them and said he would eat them again.  That's  my test.  If he would eat it again then it was a success.  Most of my creations turn out luckily.

7) I've had a few good wins lately.  I won a few gift codes to websites that sell cloth diapering stuff so I picked up a few diapers, I won a music table (worth $200), and a baby swing.  We were given one,  but the perk to this is it's more travel friendly.  I'm still waiting to get it.   I try to keep an updated list in a tab at the top of the page.

8) I've made progress on my quiet book.  I've gotten all the started pages actually finished.  I'm happy with how it's turning out.  My niece enjoyed the potato head page and the tic tac toe page. I also did a shape page and a number page.  I want to add a few more before finishing it off.  When I'm done I'll post about it.

9)  We (and by we I mostly mean Rob) have been getting some projects ready to do around the house.   His grandpa gave us an old storm door which is in better shape than ours (just needs a new screen), we bought casing to go around the big garage door and have a few other things in mind.   I'm excited to add a little curb appeal to the house.

Setback

Sometimes I feel like I can't be sad for the loss of my baby because it was so early and that it happens to a lot of women.

Today I'm feeling sad and I think it stems from jealously.  Rob's cousin just had a baby and my sister told my parent's today that she's pregnant.  So yeah I'm jealous that they are so happy, because I don't feel that way.  Not that I'm not happy for them, but sad for myself.  And I feel like I have to keep it to myself because Rob wouldn't understand.

I have no clue what is happening to my body this cycle.  I have no expectations for this cycle.  I don't even know if I will even ovulate.  And I know that happens.  But a few people on ttgp have gotten pregnant the cycle after a c/p and announced it recently.  So if it doesn't happen for me I'm going to be really bummed.  Even though I know that for every one woman who does there are probably 20 who don't

So really I'm just being irrational.

-And I'm feeling crappy wife guilt lately.  Mostly because I never take the time to make nice meals for him.  95% of what I cook comes from a can, a box or is frozen.  I have 2 days off a week, and while I use those to do errands,  or misc. organizing.  WHy am I not taking the time to make him something nice?  1) I'm cheap and homemade meals can be expensive if I cook meat.  2) I'm lazy.  I'd rather sit on the computer entering contests I won't win than cook him something.

So today I made a homemade salad (not fancy, but I did buy the lettuce and cut it up, and peppers and cut those up).  It's simple but it took me a while to do the cutting up.

I have spaghetti squash in the oven.  I got the squash from my parents.  I don't like squash, but I like spaghetti so we will see how this turns out.

-At church on Sunday we talked about how if we are anxious or arrogant than we aren't trusting God enough. And I struggle with the anxiousness.  I worry a lot about dumb things.  SO by worrying I'm telling God I don't trust that he can take care of me.  And it's true, and then I struggle with the arrogance because I just want to do everything for myself.  I even listened to the sermon again today because it's something I have issues with.   I want to tell God that I trust that he will take care of me, but I can't seem to let control go.  I'm scared of that.  Part of it is relevant to the whole trying to get pregnant issue, but it's also a money issue.  I haven't tithed much because I make less and I'm scared that I'll have to give up my indulgences if I do so.  Which really aren't that much (the internet and netflix).

Yeah, I know this post went in a ton of directions.  Sorry.