Sunday, April 10, 2016

Finding Balance

I've been struggling a bit since Mallory was born in finding balance as a mom of two. 

Live simply and cherish your moments. Chasing a life made of other people's ideals only encourages your suffering.  Have the strength to stay true to yourself.:

The only one on one time I get with her (Mallory) is when I take her to the store with me and then she spends that time in a carseat.  When she was a few weeks old Rob took Eleanor to chuckee cheese for a few hours.  Mallory and I stayed home and relaxed.  That's been it.  I wish someone would take Eleanor for a few hours or a day so I could have some of that good cuddle time with Mallory that I got to have when Eleanor was born.

But at the same time I really miss that (one on one) time with Eleanor.  I was laying with her before nap last week just thinking how much I missed those special moments.  I've tried to take her with me on quick trips to the store or to play outside with her, but I'm limited by how far I can go and how long I can be gone because Mallory doesn't take bottles well.  We took a walk together and she said "This is fun" and it broke my heart a little because it was and we don't get those moments much.

I'm not resentful of Mallory, and that was a fear of mine, but there are some feelings of struggling with how she cut into my Eleanor time.  Rob still gets lots of Eleanor time since I'm doing almost all the Mallory care and I get jealous when I hear her giggling with him and playing while I'm trying to soothe a fussing baby.

I know it's just a phase and Eleanor isn't feeling abandoned, but it still breaks my heart when she says "I love you mommy" because I just want to hold her for days and keep her my little girl.

I've mentioned this struggle before but there is a struggle in figuring out how to balance my time.  I want to feel like I was productive (in terms of chores and housework etc...), but I also want my daughters to feel like they were the priority.  And they should be.  I mean housework can wait except when I mentally go over the list of things to do it stresses me out.

My identity as a wife and a mom makes up a big part of who I am and I want to do it right. So it's going to take time to figure that out but I'm going to rock it!

OUCH! Proverbs 19:21...great reminder to trust Him!:

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