Monday, May 20, 2013


I've known this day was coming for a while.  Since September actually, but it's still a little tough.

Tommorrow is the day that would have been my first due date.  My second due date would have been at the end of June (I got pregnant 2 cycles in a row).

I won't say it's easy to know that at this point I could possibly be holding my son or daughter, but being pregnant has helped somewhat.  Back when it first happened, I knew that if I wasn't pregnant by this point again it would be more difficult to get through. 

Rob's put it all past him, and I don't blame him or anything.  Honestly I kind of have too, mostly anyway, but I still think about it sometimes.

I'm so grateful this pregnancy has been pretty easy and that baby girl is growing and looking good.  She's moving more so that's always reassuring to me to feel her.

Without my losses I wouldn't have her, and for the love I already feel for her I can't imagine that.

I just want my other babies to somehow know that for the short time they were with me, I loved them so very much, and they will always be a part of my story. 


  1. So sorry, Kelly. I so know that feeling. I remember saying the same thing - that I wouldn't have the girls I have now if not for my losses, but I don't want to totally forget the babies I lost either!

    1. It's just this strange place to be in. It's nice to have someone who can relate.

  2. My mother lost a few babies before she had my brother and I, and she talked about them here and there. It made me feel like I had very special siblings that I never got to meet but were always so very real and close to me. I treasured them, which might seem a little strange to the outsider but I think you'll understand ~ they will always be part of your daughter's story as well