Another weaning post

4 months ago I wrote a post about weaning Eleanor.  

We still are nursing although I have pretty much dropped the morning nursing session and that leaves us with two.  It still makes me feel guilty when she asks for milk and I say no, although usually I can distract her and she actually said 'No milk' when she got up a few days ago.   Today though I almost gave in after having had 4 hours of sleep and just wanting to sit for a minute but I knew I couldn't give in.

I've been nursing her for 20 months.

I've never been away from her for more than ten hours, and that was only a few times when Rob had surgery.  I'm starting to feel this itch to have my body back and have a little more freedom.  

Of course I feel a huge sense of guilt and sadness over it.  Guilt because she loves her milka milka milka. :)

Sadness because I'm going to miss those snuggles so much (getting weepy thinking about it already)

I will especially miss it at night when she curls up in my arms and snuggles in.  I melt.   I know she can go to sleep for other people.  My dad was an expert at getting her down for nap when he would watch her when Rob was sick.  I think Rob could probably do it, but he hasn't yet.  So really being the only one who can put her down get's old.  Yet, knowing I can do something that no one else can do is kind of empowering.  

Although I had hoped to make it until Eleanor turned two, I just don't know if I can.  I think that's okay.  I gave her the best I could. 

I think one of the hardest and guilt inducing parts is that in a perfect world she would wean herself, but she's not so I'm sort of forcing it.  I shouldn't because I should let her decide when she's ready, but nursing has to be mutual and it's getting to be one sided. 

We aren't weaned yet though.  I still have to figure out how to drop the nap time nursing session next and then eventually the nighttime one (obviously that will be the hardest one), but I'm on the path to it.