Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Doctors appointment

So I went and met with a Ob/gyn today, and I think it went well.
I found the building and parked no problem but finding the office was a little tougher.  The entrance was on level one so I assumed that meant the bottom.  Right?  No, it wasn't. So after walking down the stairs in the ramp and seeing the numbers go up, I just used the elevator to get to level 1.  Then when I got in the building I was a little confused, and went up the stairwell because I knew it was on the third floor.  Then there were random sitting areas and several offices, but I found the one I wanted and it was easy from there.
I liked the dr. and felt like I have a plan going forward.  I had brought my last few charts and he looked at them and actually knew what he was looking at.  I was happy with that.  He thinks that there may be an issue with my lp, which I kind of wondered about, but said progesterone will help with that so after I confirm ovulation to start taking 100mg vaginally (I'm sure y'all wanted to know that.  I can see the jokes from dh when I tell him).  I asked if I should wait a cycle or keep going, and he said because they were early losses that I don't have to wait.
So I think I want to try this cycle.  I know Rob will be happy.  He never wanted to take a break, and not that I really did, but I was thinking it more for mental health reasons.  I feel better with a plan of action.  The doctor said to take the progesterone after ovulation for 12 days and if I do get a positive test to call right away to come in and have my levels checked. They don't check them usually unless you are pregnant.  If I am not pregnant than I just stop taking it.  If I do get pregnant and have another loss they may do genetic testing.
So anyway, I feel pretty good about how things went.  Yeah!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Emergency Kit

I'm in Michigan so Hurricane Sandy & the whole Frankenstorm things won't really be a problem here,  but I'm thinking of all my friends on the East coast because they are about to get hit with a ton of crap.

I have to say I'm really glad that I have an emergency kit that has enough food and water for several days.  I also have clothes (the old stuff we wouldn't normally wear) including hats & gloves.  I have basic first aid supplies, blankets, towels, a flashlight.   I have to get a solar powered flashlight/radio.  I haven't been able to find them in the stores at this time of year.  If they don't have them in the next month or so I will just buy one online, although I might just do it anyway.  I also need a way to cook food.  I have canned food (I do have a can opened in there).  Rob suggested we buy some mini propane tanks and a mini grill since ours is nasty.  I also want to through in some hand warmer packets that Rob uses for hunting.

I had bought a big tote to put it all in, but that won't fit in my car, so I have a few small 18 gallon totes, and a few small boxes. 

I even have an emergency book, and this weekend I made a second one to keep somewhere else.  It has important phone numbers (all our family), contact numbers for our life insurance, home insurance and car insurance.  Not health though.  I'll just copy the card.  It has a fairly detailed assement of what is in our house and replacement value.  Rob says that I am an insurance person's nightmare because I know exactly what there is.  ha.  I do plan on taking some more pictures as well.
The book has a copy of our marriage liscense and my birth certificate.  I don't know where Rob's is.

Seriously I'm glad I have this stuff.  I just want to make a mini kit for the car.  I don't know what else I am missing.  What else should I have in the book or kit?

Sunday, October 28, 2012

A blog post that I found.

I found this Perfect Post on a blog that I follow.  I hate to make everything I post be about this subject so I'll keep it short, but I think it was a great post and wanted to share.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Friday Five 10/26

1) Biggie, and not really new news, but I had my second loss last weekend, thus no Friday five last week. I posted about it here. This is an update post.  I did tell my sister yesterday about it.  She knew about the first one.  The only other thing I've come to realize is that I guess I kind of assumed people got pregnant when they wanted to.  I never thought that they may have had struggles of their own, and that's probably because they aren't talked about.  So then I think I want to talk about it, because if that can help someone it's good.  But I am not to the point where I can talk about it without being sad. Someday....

2)I painted the spare room in the basement last week.  I won the paint months ago and haven't gotten to it because a few things needed to be done it that room first. The paint looked white when I poured it out on the tray, and it's kind of a creamy grayish color. I think I might end up doing an accent wall in the room though. It's a little to light of a color for me. I choose this color Sheep's wool.  I was proud of my painting skills this time around. I usually push to hard on the roller and get drips, but not this time. :)  Despite my cramping I finished it on Saturday when Rob was hunting.  It gave me something to do and kept my mind distracted. 
Rob replaced the light fixture and that made a difference.  I was going to scrape the popcorn ceiling and I was sure I could have rocked it.  I read about how to do it, but in the end I was just lazy.  I have one small section to finish painting though.  There was a pile of the old trim in the way and I didn't want to have to keep moving it around and I didn't have a proper way to dispose of it at the time.  It was to much for the garbage can.  
We have to get new trim, but we'll have to borrow a truck for that. Rob is going to replace the other outlet with a tamper proof one.  I need to replace the window of insulate it better, and put up a closet door or something there, but then it will be done.

3) On Sunday when Rob was hunting again I went to Michaels and bought stuff for several craft projects.  I'm going to make puzzle blocks for my nephew for christmas.  I found the idea here (Fabric blocks) I'm taking scrapbook paper, cutting it and using modge podge to put it on.  Total cost will be under $10.  I have a gift for him that I bought cheap months ago, and one that I won so he will be all set.

4)  I just found out this week that I will have a week off of work.  The Friday after Halloween until the next Friday.  They booked a  last minute vacation.  I'm super excited, but worried that I'll want to spend money in my free time.  I need to be productive.

5)  I finally found an ob/gyn that I could get into without having to fax my medical records from my pcp before I could even get an appt.  So I have an appt on 10/30 at 10:30 (I know that nobody cares what time it is; I just though that was kind of funny).  While I don't expect answers at this one, it will get me established somewhere at least.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Disorganized thoughts

I have a lot to say and it's all over the place so just be forewarned.

For now though I'm just taking it one day at a time. 

A girl I am fb friends with and used to work with just lost a baby yesterday.  She had bleeding in the morning, went to the ER and they did an ultrasound, baby had a good heartbeat.  Later that evening she had more bleeding and bad cramping and went back to the ER and her baby was gone.   I'm not close with her but this stuff breaks my heart.   She was 15 weeks along. 
Times like this make me wonder which I'd prefer; a) never getting a positive test or b)getting a positive and losing the baby shortly after.   Her case seems like it would always be the worst.  You see the baby and hear the baby and then it's gone.  But at least she has a picture to remember it by.  All I have is a picture of a positive test to show I was pregnat, and I'm not sure if I really even have those.  I may have deleted them.  (I am in no way saying that one loss is worse than another; a loss is a loss; but it is one easier to deal with?  I'd say my case is a crap ton easier)

So Rob wants to keep trying, but I want to take a cycle off.  I think anyway. I can't even believe how lucky we have been in getting pregnant and I don't believe that we would get that lucky again and I am not sure what a third c/p would do to me.

I don't know if I can give up totally control though.  I say I need a break but I like knowing what is happening.  I am temping but I've missed 2 days this cycle (and it's only day 6).  Like today I hadn't completely forgotten but I had already hit the snooze a few times so I didn't want to temp.  It seems like I remember 5 minutes after waking up and then I'm like crap, it's too late.  I am still early in the cycle though.

I have a doctors appointment next week.  Hopefully I can come up with a plan of action.  I want to talk about if my lp is an issue, and if my progesterone may be low.

I have my good days where I want to keep going and just figure out the issue, and then I have my bad days where I cry and think it's not fair that I've lost 2 babies (and they were babies even if they were as small as a dot).

I think it is the worst when my sister texts me telling me about how her nt test went great and she's 13 weeks.  I let it go without saying anything because she doesn't know about the 2nd loss, and I don't want to make her feel bad about anything that isn't her fault.  It stings a little though.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

I'm doing better than I thought.

Last night we went out to dinner and played trivia and I had a drink.  I came home and because I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and had a buzz I was sleeping by 9:30.  Rob had gone over to the neighbors after I went to sleep and woke up around 11:30 when he got home.  I was up until about 1, woke up at 2, and then slept until 7:30 and then back to bed until 9:30.   I am a poor sleeper usually and a 3 hour stretch without waking up is good for me so a 5 1/2 hour felt great.

My cramps have been moderate today, but I haven't been bleeding to badly.  Heavier than normal and heavier than last time, but not enough that I am worried.

Today I've done my best to keep busy so I don't have time to dwell on things.  I painted a room today in our house and pinned lots of crafts that I want to do and meal planned and just tried to stay busy.

Emotionally I'm doing so much better than I thought I would.  I'm still really bummed about it, but for me now that I know there has to be an issue, I just want to figure it out and do something about.  I am sure there has to be something going on.

Some of my bumps friends have suggested that it may be low progesterone and/or my lp (lutel phase) may be to short and B-6 may help. When I get into the doctor I'm going to talk to them about these things.  All of you bumpies have been so amazing and I am so appreciative of it.  It sucks not really having anyone that I know in real life to talk about it with, but I love that you ladies 'get' it.

Rob wants to try again, and while I do want to, I think that I need to take a cycle or so off.  At least for my mental sake.  I don't want to go through this a third time.  I guess it depends on when I can get into an ob/gyn and what they say about it though.

Friday, October 19, 2012

I can't believe this is happening again.

I hate hate hate that I have to write this post again.

Yesterday my temp took a HUGE drop and I knew I was out.  No bleeding, but it dropped again today and when I tested with a wondfo at 5:30 it was negative.  I knew I couldn't go back to sleep after that some just laid back int bed and thought I was going to be sick.  Now I just have to wait for the bleeding to start.

Rob was sleeping In the spare room because he didn't want to keep me awake last night. I didn't want to wake him up but at 6:30 I went in there and crawled into bed with him. I needed him. He was a annoyed at first until I told him what happened.  Then he was awesome and just let me cry and held me.  Last time I had a c/p be was supportive the night I told him, but the next day he didn't even call to see how I was doing and didn't come home until late.  I was pissed about that.

His alarm kept going off and he kept hitting the snooze, and I told him that I know he had to get up.  And he was like its okay I can call in.  I know it's tough.  I was so tempted but I work as a nanny and there is no one else, so I didn't want to call in.  Even though being with kids is not at all where I want to be today.  I can be okay with the 3year old, but the 6 month old is making me cry a little.

I just feel like the whole thing is a joke. How can this honestly be happening twice? And in row.  I got pregnant on cycle 2 and was thrilled it happened so fast, but that ended in a c/p.  Then I got pregnant again the next cycle and while I was scared and really nervous, I was really trying to relax. But 2 in a row, something isn't right.  I won't be able to do much this weekend, but I'm going to find an ob/gyn and try to get an appt next week.

Honestly I don't even know if I want to try again for a while. I think I'm going to be taking a break from the whole thing.  No temping, opk's, no being on the bump etc.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I need to relax

Every little cramp or twinge is freaking me out.  I know that it can be normal and they aren't really painful, but I want to test every single time.  I seriously had a test in my hand last night and was ready to test, but I didn't and was proud of myself.

Then I woke up this morning and my temp was down, and so I tested and it was the faintest of lines.
I know that it's still early (12dpo) and a line is a line.  But I want dark lines.  I will feel better.

I just can't shake the fear that something will happen again.  Logically it's dumb and nothing I do will change it, but I just feel dread and nervousness.  And I should enjoy this time and be excited.

If I can make it through the weekend I will be more pregnant than I was last time, and I will call and find an ob/gyn and make an appointment.

I just need to chill out and relax.  I know this.  But it's always on my mind; the what if's?

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Shut the front door.

Got Bfp #2 today!  Praying like crazy that this one sticks.  I just had a c/p last cycle, so I in no way thought it would happen this cycle.
My due date (based on ovulation) is June 28, which makes me 3 weeks 3 days today.

~~~The Story~~~
I tested yesterday at 9dpo (I know it was to early, I was getting antsy), and it was negative.  I decided to test again today at 10dpo.  I thought I saw a line on a wondfo, but it was so faint I wasn't sure.  I checked it before I left for work (35 minutes later, I know it invalidates the test) and there was a faint, but visible line.
I grabbed a frer and took it to work with me.  I tested and within 3 minutes another faint, but clearly visible line showed up.  I could not believe it.  I took a pic and just kept looking at it all day long.  I tested when I got home with a wondfo (another super faint line), and a frer (another line just like before).
Honestly I'm really kind of nervous and scared.  I know if something happens that it isn't my fault and there wasn't anything I could do about it, but I was really sad after the c/p so I  don't want to get my hopes up and get excited, but I am excited.  Shocked it happened so quickly as well.
I had sore boobs at 8dpo and today.  I also had a backache/headache over the weekend, but I don't think that it pregnancy related.  I feel a little icky today (but it's still really early)
Last bfp I didn't really have any symptoms.  I got my barely there squint at it kind of line at 11dpo and a clear positive at 12dpo, so this cycle I got a positive earlier.  
A few weeks ago I won a 8x10 canvas print, but haven't chosen a picture yet.  So when dh finally got home tonight, I said 'hey I figured out what picture I want for the canvas' and showed him a pic of the frer. Then I said 'I'm pregnant again.' I had not even mentioned anything about the 2ww (two week wait; time between ovulation and testing).  I didn't even tell him that I had o'd (only that I thought I might have before it was confirmed).   He said 'awesome' and we hugged.  He's nervous too because of what happened last cycle.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Friday Five 10/12

1) We have a new niece!  Elisabeth Kara (Libby) was born on 10-9.  My best friend was also born this day (although 28 years earlier, lol) so that is kind of fun.

I was trying to format these pics a little bit better but here are a few.  I can't wait to have my own baby someday.  :)

2) Rob cleared room in the garage for me to park.  We didn't use the garage at all last winter, which I guess we were lucky it was so mild.  I didn't expect to park in it this winter either, but he came home one day and cleaned it out.  I didn't ask him to or expect him to, but I really am happy he did.  Major win husband points for him. Love it!

3) I've been doing better about trying to cook (expect for tonight because we need to eat leftovers up).  I made fajitas yesterday (and that took a long time to cut up everything).  I used greek yogurt instead of sour cream and I liked it, but Rob didn't at all.  He didn't even put it on his fajita, just tried a bite of mine.

4) I had a short work week this week.  I worked Monday & Wednesday.  Although I am working tomorrow actually; not thrilled about that, but I need the money.  So since I was off today I went to Lisa's and helped her with Trav & Libby.  Love those kiddo's. :)

5) I haven't won anything in contests in almost 2 weeks.  But I haven't had as much time with the new job to do them, so that may be why.  

6) I bought Halloween candy this week (for the trick or treaters) and that may not have been my smartest choice, because not only did I buy it early, but I bought the kind I like to it.  It's tempting me.  

7) I haven't mentioned anything ttc related to Rob in the last week.  It's been tough because I want to talk about it, but I'm sure he was sick of me saying something about it everyday, and he hasn't mentioned anything so either he hasn't noticed or doesn't care.  I did ovulate this cycle so I'll know next week if I am pregnant.  Fingers crossed. 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

My adorable new niece.

Photo: Elisabeth Kara Keskitalo was welcomed to the world at 8:58am.  She weighs 8lb 2oz and is 19" long.  She is a total sweetheart and cuddle bug!  "Libby" shares her name with the three most important women in her life...her mom Lisa is in her first name, her Nanas Karen and Debra help make her middle name, and her nickname is unique to her and just plain adorable!  God has blessed our family with a daughter, how perfect!  Thank you for the prayers and well wishes.  We felt them at 2:00am  when we went started contractions :)
Elisabeth Kara (aka Libby).  Born 10-9-12
I can't wait to spoil her. :)

Friday, October 5, 2012

Friday Five 10/5/12

1) I got out some Halloween decorations this week.  I forgot I had bought a costume on clearance last year so I was excited to find that.  I also found other decorations I had forgotten about so it felt like Christmas pulling those things out.
2) Rob's sister is due today with baby number 2, but so far nothing.  Trav was a day late and looks like this baby isn't ready to come out either.  If he/she isn't here by Tuesday, she will be induced.
3) I bought a Roku box last week so that my tv which has been sitting in the corner of the spare room since we got married could be used,  Then Rob learned that it had hunting channels and the game Angry Birds on it, and he wanted to watch/play those on the 42' tv as opposed to the 19' inch, so once again the tv is sitting unused ::facepalm:::
4) I got my flu shot yesterday.  I went to Target because I had a coupon for a free $10 gift card if I got my shot there.  Last year I got it at Meijer's and neither insurance (I had an overlap from my policy and being added to Rob's) covered it, so I wasn't even going to run the card, but when the pharmacist asked I said to try it, and it worked.  So my flu shot was covered and I got a $10 gift card.  It probably cost a gallon of gas to get there (which is about $4.00 here), but still worth it to me.
5) Netflix really needs to update some shows and add new seasons.  I've been watching for new seasons of Bones, How I Met Your Mother, Psych for a long time and nothing yet.

I also got a positive opk again this morning (36hrs after the first) and then this evening it was white in the test area.  Since I've started testing at day 11 I've had at least a faint line in the test area, but I'm hoping this means I did ovulate.  And this at least helped our timing by letting us hit an extra day or two.  I'll keep temping and if it's not confirmed by early next week, then I may start using opk's again.  I probably used 30 this cycle (double normal).  Thank you amazon for wondfo's.  So I guess we shall see if I get bfp#2(if o is confirmed) in a few weeks.  Doubtful but I can dream.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

A Positive Opk!!

Yesterday morning my line was the darkest it's been, (but not positive) and at lunch time it was so close that I wasn't sure, but I finally got a clear positive yesterday evening.  I tested this morning (15 hours later) and I got the darkest test line I think I've ever had.
So yeah for that!  I should have not been so whiny and all Debbie downer about the whole thing, because that feels a little silly to me now; I knew this might happen.  I've gotten +opk's between cycle days 16-19 in the past so getting +opk'a on days 22-23 isn't late much later.  While this doesn't mean I will ovulate this cycle, it still makes me happy!
Thanks for the encouragement lobo. :)

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Weird Pregnancy Dream

I had a dream that I was pregnant, only I didn't know it until the very end.  I don't know why or how I didn't know.  We went to tell my parents and I remember in the dream I was standing at the bottom of the deck steps and I said "I'm pregnant" and they said "When are you due?"  And then I said "Tomorrow" "They were quite shocked; I didn't have any signs of pregnancy.  I didn't even have any weight gain.  No way was I 40 weeks, but I was.
And then I was going to have the baby and we were going to deliver outside at the creek behind my parents house.  I swear my ob was Jenni from Jenni from the blog.  So I was being examined internally and the ob was like "Yep, healthy baby, good heartbeat, we will know soon if it's a boy or girl"  Heartbeat from an internal, say what?  (I know they do this early pregnancy, but I was full term).  I don't remember anything after this point.
In real life while I'd love to someday do a home-birth (but Rob isn't on board, so it won't be happening), I'm pretty sure an outdoor birth isn't happening.

My new niece/nephew should be born in the next week.  So excited about that!!!

And still no positive or even darker line on an opk.  It's CD21 now.  I'm tired of testing several times a day.  Temps aren't showing anything either.  I'm giving the opk's a few more days and then I may take a break from them and just temp.